By Ananya Anindita Jena
The orange hue replaced the azure sky as the sun began to set. The waves roared loudly declaring the sea and the shore as its territory. People laughing and children playing, couples walking on the cool sand; hand-in-hand, close. Some were enjoying their time with friends and families. Some students with their bags on their backs came to relax on the beach. A peacefully chaotic situation, it was.
On a rock, Krushnachuda was sitting looking at the setting sun and the roaring sea. What an irony it was; the sea was roaring and yet calm, while Krushnachuda seemed calm but oceans of emotions were rising within her. Her heart thumping and hands going numb. Her eyes swelled up remembering the times when she used to sit near the banks of a river that runs through her village waiting for Him.
“The wait seems forever.”
Krushnachuda was about to stand up when a familiar voice greeted her. “Hello”. She looked at the man standing beside her and froze looking at his eyes. His eyes seemed like the eyes she had been waiting for. Years ago, she fell for those eyes and that strikingly familiar voice. Her eyes welled up and she couldn't hold back her tears. She hugged the man and cried as if her wait was over. But deep inside she knew that it wasn't over, for the man she was waiting for was dead. The man was taken aback. His feet etched to the ground and his body was still. He didn't hug her back, but felt pity for her. She released the hug and apologized for her rash behaviour.
“It's fine. You must be going through something tragic. I hope I can help you with anything.”
She smiled and said, “It's fine. Your eyes and voice reminded me of someone I knew ages ago. Someone I have been waiting for.”
“Ahh! The idea of waiting seems sophisticated to me. I wonder how long someone can wait for a person. How long have you been waiting for?”
She smiled and said, “Eight years. And still I have to wait for a lifetime.”
The man was surprised. “Eight years. I can imagine your love for him. Well, you don't have to wait for a lifetime. If he loves you, he will come back to you.”
“Dead men never return.”
The ground under the man's feet slipped. His heart ached and he couldn't say anything. Krushnachuda looked at him and said, “Don't feel sorry for me. I am alright. Though I miss him everyday, I know he is in a better place now. A better place as everyone says.”
The man smiled softly.
“It is getting dark. I must go to my house. I will take your leave.” Krushnachuda said and started to leave when the man said, “Wait. If you ever need anything, I will be glad to help you.”
Krushnachuda smiled and thanked him and went away thinking that she would never meet him again. But as her man had said, “If written in fate, we will meet again.”
Krushnachuda never saw the face of the person she loved. She just saw his eyes. She fell for the person for his personality, for who he was. Krushnachuda lived in a small town. More like a village. She lived with her mother, father and sister. She had always been a reserved girl, hiding from the world. She had created a protective shield around herself and never let anyone pass through the shield. She barely talked and never opened up. She was a snail in the shell barely coming out. He was the first person she opened up to. He was the first person she let inside the shield. Eight years ago he came to the town with two other people, his assistants. He was a magician and he was called to the place to show magic tricks. Every year on Durga Puja, a grand fair was held in the town. The magician had come to show magic tricks there. A large crowd had gathered around the dice where the magician would show magic tricks. Loud hooting and shouting filled the air. Along with that, the sound of Dhak, Ghanta and chants. The smell of Jhuna Dhoop, a frankincense made of sal tree dominated the air.
The magician showed all kinds of tricks and the people cheered on. He made his assistants disappear, took out a flower from a hat and showed other types of cliched magic. But magic is magic and people loved it. Not just that, he was also with the circus troupe who performed “Maut ka kuan” i.e. “The Well of Death”.
He became extremely popular among the mass when he cured an old person of his hallucination. The old man had hallucinations of his dead son. Some people opined that he could see the ghost of his dead son. Some people called him mad. The simpletons went to the magician to cure the person with his magic. The magician asked the people to let the old man be with him for sometime. Hence, the old man was left in the care of the magician for five days. For five days, the magician gave him some medicines and took care of him. On the fifth day, the old man looked somewhat better. After that, he became popular among the mass.The seven day trip became a four month trip for the magician. But he never revealed his face. He always masked his face with a cloth. He wore a large white cloak with his usual white shirt and pants. His magic tricks were clean and smooth. People enjoyed his magic a lot. After that, people started flooding into the magician's tent. Different kinds of people. People afraid of darkness, mothers who had difficulty loving their child, people who were tired of everything, people who wanted to die. Some people came to him for medicines for physical ailments and he had to turn them down. Some folks came to ask him to make them marry their favourite woman or to make them pass their exams. Some got on his nerves and some he handled patiently. And then, she came to him.
Krushnachuda's parents took her to the magician hoping that he could get her out of the cocoon she was inside. They told him that she was not able to talk to people. She didn't mingle with people. She always avoided interaction and was always on her own. “If this continues she may not be able to get a job”,said her mother. “She will be docile and dim-witted all her life.”
“It will never be like that I assure you. She will do great things.”
“But how?”
“I will help her.”
Krushnachuda was silent all the time. Her eyes were down looking at her fisted hand. All the magician could see in her was a silent girl who wanted to speak, who wanted help. He felt pity for her. He knew that she couldn't say anything in front of her parents. So he asked them to leave her with him for sometime. Though skeptical at first, the parents left her with him. Krushnachuda's heart was in her mouth then. She wanted to run away. The magician sensing the tension asked her name. It was as if Krushnachuda's tongue got out. She couldn't say anything. The magician said, “Don't worry, I will never harm you. You can tell me. Please trust me.” Krushnachuda looked at him, still suspicious. His eyes were sincere. But her protective self restricted her. The magician could tell that by looking at her face. He said,
“Okay, so let me start. Hello, I am Utkarsh. Don't tell anyone. It is our little secret.” He whispered, “I am a secret magician. I don't usually reveal my name. You are the first person to know my name. Keep it a secret.” This eased up Krushnachuda a little.
“You know, my father worked in a circus too. He too worked in the ‘maut ka kuan’. I am forwarding his legacy and creating my own. He always wanted me to be a magician. Now, it's your turn. Tell me about you. I am curious.”
Krushnachuda's eased face suddenly tensed up. But gathering courage, she spoke in her slow broken speech, “I am Krushnachuda. I finished my tenth just now. I will join the college soon.” And then she stopped. Her mind went blank and she didn't know what else to say.
“That's great. Do you have any dream college? What do you want to do?”
“I will do whatever Bapa will tell me. I don't have a choice.”
“Hmmm, you know what, my Baba wanted me to become a magician because I liked magic. I wanted to become a magician. I loved magic. Magic is everywhere. Magic is in the nature.
The birds, trees, animals, everything is magic. When the sun rays pass through the gaps between the leaves, that is magic. When raindrops touch the green grass, that is magic. When the smell of Madhumalati (flower) fills the air, that is magic.”
He looked straight in her eyes, making her anxious and said, “Magic is in you. You are magic in yourself.”
Krushnachuda gasped in surprise. Her eyes welled up. No one ever praised her. Sweet words were her rare guests. She looked down and let the tears flow. Utkarsh smiled and said, “I don't like talking to people much. They don't understand me. There are very few who understand me. But I never stopped making friends. Some are good and some are bad. I avoid bad people and I like being around good people. Some people will break your trust, Krushnachuda. But that should never define you. Can you please share why you are not talking to people? Being quiet is good. But you have to make friends too. Who are your friends?”
“I don't have friends.”
“Why, may I ask?”
“They bully me. They hate my voice. They say I shouldn't talk. That day, they said that it was my fault. The fault of my voice.”
“What fault?”
“I used to sing songs. It was my favourite hobby. I used to sing near the bank of the river. My friends, they are not actually my friends. They hated my voice. They say I shouldn't sing. They say my voice makes their ears bleed. That day, when I was singing near the bank, an old man came near me. He was creepy. His eyes were the eyes of a monster. He smiled monstrously at me and asked me to come near him. I went. My legs were trembling. But I couldn't say no. I went near him and he touched me. His touch disgusted me. Before he could do something, I ran away from there. I couldn't get my mind out of the incident. I wanted to share it. I told my friends and they said that it was my fault. I should not have sang near the bank. Maybe that was true. They said I should not sing anymore. I should not open my mouth at all. From that day, I never said anything. I am afraid of people. They will all judge me. I am sorry for speaking too much.”
“No one will judge you here. You can talk to me about anything. Those people are not your friends, as you said. Friends are not like this. About that person, that man is a monster. He deserves harsh punishment. Why didn't you tell your parents?”
“I was afraid. I couldn't gather up the courage to tell them. It has been 5 years since that incident. I barely talked. The old man died three years ago.”
“What is your age, may I ask?”
“I am sixteen.”
The magician was silent. He then said, “You are braver than you think. People just don't deserve you. Make friends, but when you know they are not good to you, just leave them.”
Krushnachuda smiled. An assurance emerged within her. Assurance about herself, her worth. The magician took his hat, put his hand in it and took out a rose. Presenting it to her, he said, “This beautiful flower is for a brave and beautiful girl.” Krushnachuda smiled and took the flower.
From that day, she never stopped visiting Utkarsh, her magician. She would go to him and talk to him. His favourites, his hobbies, she asked everything. She told hers too.
“I love riverbanks. They calm me down. Not just riverbanks, I love the sea too. I want to visit the sea someday. What do you like?”
“I like the sea too. I visited it once with my father.” Utkarsh said with a slight smile adorning his face.
The magician got a friend and Krushnachuda got a friend too. Krushnachuda would show her the small town. The bazaars, the river, that one small park, everything. They would sit near the river bank for hours. He would show her magic and she would burst out laughing. Krushnachuda started to paint. She painted life-like art inspired from her surroundings. The magician told her stories and she weaved them into art. She showed him her art and he praised her. And slowly, she developed deep feelings for the magician. She went to the magician to get a glance of him. She never cared about time when she was around him. She would eagerly listen to him. She didn't want to see his face. His eyes were enough to make her fall for him head over heels. The innocent parents of Krushnachuda were happy that their daughter was finally socializing. But Krushnachuda's friendship with the magician attracted rumours from the people. They said they were in love and so much more. Indeed Krushnachuda loved him. But the magician saw her just as any other little girl. Both Krushnachuda and the magician knew about the rumours, however it didn't affect their friendship. And then one day, the magician decided to leave.
When Krushnachuda got to know about it, she ran towards the magician. He was going towards the bus stop. His luggage was with him. His assistants had already left. Krushnachuda ran as if there was no tomorrow. “Magician”, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Utkarsh looked back and saw her running towards him. “What happened? Everything alright?” Utkarsh asked. Fresh tears were streaming down from her eyes. She hugged the magician and cried.
“Please don't go. What will I do without you?”
Utkarsh made her face him and said, “Look at me, don't cry. If you cry, I will be sad. A magician has to return to his place. You are far more brave than you know. I can do anything. You know what you have to do and what you haven't to do. It's all inside you. Trust yourself.”
“I want to come to your place. Where is it? I will visit you.”
Utkarsh laughed and said, “A distant city with small buildings under the shade of the big ones. Cars, buses, motorcycles, all types of automobiles running at the same time. Hustle and bustle all the time. It's a big city. If you could, come there to study. Come to Cuttack someday.”
“I will. But you too have to come to meet me.” Showing her little finger in a hooked manner, she asked, “Promise?”
Utkarsh hooked his little finger in hers and said, “Okay, promise” and left. Krushnachuda watched him leave and cried silently.
From that day onwards, she had waited for him near the riverbank in the hope that he would come to meet her someday. She missed her best friend, her love. Days passed and years went but he never came. She finished her twelfth and moved into graduation. She still waited in the hope that he would come. She passed the graduation as well. All through the five years, she waited. All those five years, she painted a lot of things. She put her pain, her emotions, her feelings into painting. Her paintings improved with time. Her paintings reflected her wait, her pain, her devotion and her love. There were nights on which she cried. She longed for him. She painted him on her mind. She smiled thinking about him. People would call her mad sometimes but why would she care. When the limits of her patience crossed, she decided to go to the place Utkarsh mentioned. For that, she had to pass the entrance exam. She studied hard. Being an average student, she had to put extra effort to pass the entrance exam. And her efforts worked. She passed her entrance exam and applied for a college in Cuttack. She got in the college and finally moved to Cuttack after bidding her family adieu. There she started her search for her magician. She read newspapers everyday in the hope of getting some clue to find him. “He was so famous. Maybe I can get something about him from the newspaper.” She asked some of her friends about him, whether they had seen him in their childhood. But, everything seemed to go against her. She found no clue about him. When everything seemed dark, a light flickered.
It was their college fest. Dance, music and cheerful chaos was going on. Most of the students were gathered for the fest. Krushnachuda was in no mood to join them. She was pensive in her room, thinking if there was no way to find her magician. Suddenly, her roommate barged in and cheerfully said, “Hey flower, why are you sitting here in all somberness? Let's go there, the fest is going on.”
“You go please. I am in no mood to go.”
Dragging her along, “Come on flower let's go. You will feel good. There is a magic show going on too. Please let's go.”
Krushnachuda couldn't resist her. So, she got ready and went to the fest. It was all crowded. They could barely see anything. The crowd was hooting and shouting. She was reminded of her childhood, how the people used to cheer for her magician. They could see some magic show was going on but who was it. Krushnachuda's heart was beating as if he was there. Krushnachuda and her roommate made their way through the crowd. They were half way through when she saw him, her magician. Happy tears rolled down her face and questions of apprehensions rose within her. “Will he remember me? How will he react after seeing me? Why didn't he keep his promise?”
Questions of a thousand kinds. As soon as the magic show ended, she ran towards her magician. He was about to go. She made her way through the crowd and went backstage. Upon enquiry, she found that he had already left. She ran outside and saw him sitting in a car which left. She ran behind the car calling, “Magician, magician. Wait, it's me. Your friend. Magician…” But he didn't hear her and the car left. She screamed out of frustration and desperation. She cried on the road, not caring who would see her and what would one think. Suddenly, someone offered her a handkerchief.
She denied and wiped her tears with her hands. The man put back his handkerchief and said, “Hello, I am Subodh. I am one of his closest friends, the one whom you were following just a minute ago. What happened? Everything alright? Can I help you with something?”
With tearful eyes, she said, “He is my magician, my best friend. We haven't met since seven years. I just want to meet him.”
“Oh, he never mentioned you.”
This sentence broke Krushnachuda's heart into pieces. She felt like crying more. Her eyes welled up and face went numb.
“Well, I am sure he misses you too. I will try to make your meeting with him.”
Krushnachuda smiled and thanked him and went away. But she stopped on her way and asked the man, “Excuse me sir, can I atleast have his number?”
The man hesitated and said, “He is mostly busy. He doesn't pick up unknown numbers.”
“I can message him.”
“He doesn't check his messages. Weird but true.”
Krushnachuda was again dispirited. She then said, “Can I have his email or something through which I can message him.”
The man gave her Utkarsh's email id and went away. From then on, she started sending him emails.
Dear Magician,
“Hope you are fine. Why didn't you come to meet me? You promised me and didn't keep it. No worries, I am here now. You know I have made so many paintings. When we meet, I will show it to you.
Yours,
Krushnachuda
Hope you remember me.”
This was her first email to him. She waited a day for his reply and then, it came:
“Dear Krushnachuda,
How can I not remember you? Not a day spent when I haven't remembered you. I am sorry I cannot go back to you. But now that you are here, I am more than glad.
Yours,
Utkarsh.”
She was squealing in merriment. She was on cloud nine that her best friend, the one she loved, remembered him. She forgot all her complaints. She started writing more emails to him explaining her daily schedule, what happened in her university, her classes, her friends, and every bit of her life. She received emails from the other end too. Then, one day his email came:
Dear Krushnachuda,
I missed you so much. Now that you are here, why don't we meet? Let's meet in the banquet hall where I was going to perform a magic show on Sunday. I will send you the invitation too. I will be glad.
Yours,
Utkarsh.”
Her happiness knew no bounds. Happy tears fell freely from her eyes. She was feeling like the winner of the world. She cannot wait for Sunday. Her dream of meeting Utkarsh after so long was finally going to be true.
Sunday came and she got ready in her favourite outfit to meet her favourite person. Utkarsh had given her the invitation and she went there. She entered the banquet hall and went towards the front seat. Just beside her sat Subodh, the man who gave her Utkarsh's email id. She greeted him and he was showing her a broad smile. For some unknown reason, she felt weird around him. She felt nauseous and uncomfortable. Yet she veiled her expressions and intuitions. Then, the lights were turned off and Utkarsh came. The spotlights were on him and he started his magic show. Krushnachuda was reminded of the time when he had come to her village. Each bit of memory came alive in her mind, a picturesque memory. For a moment, Utkarsh’s eyes met Krushnachuda. His eyes seemed to try to remember her. He felt as if he knew her, but when. Where did he meet her? This time, his magic tricks were more alive and complicated. Her heart was thumping loudly, foreshadowing the upcoming disaster. And the disaster came. There was a short circuit and the banquet was set on fire. The lights flickered and some bulbs blasted. Within seconds, the fire caught the entire hall and the beautiful moment turned to a moment of deadly chaos. People were running here and there for their lives. Some people were crushed and some caught fire. Utkarsh started assisting children out and Krushnachuda was also helping people to get out while making sure that Utkarsh was fine. The fire Brigade came too. They too were trying to get people out. Some people were crushed beneath the fire caught pillars. Krushnachuda saw a pregnant lady struggling to get out of a corner that had caught fire. She went there to help her. And there came Utkarsh. They both helped the pregnant lady get out.
“We should go too.” Krushnachuda suggested and Utkarsh nodded his head in affirmation. Suddenly, a brick was about to fall on Utkarsh when Krushnachuda saved him.
“Are you alright?”
She asked in concern and Utkarsh nodded. Just as they were about to go, the crying of a child came. He was crying and was unable to get out. Hr was surrounded by fire. Utkarsh jumped into the fire to help him.
“Utkarsh…” Krushnachuda screamed.
Utkarsh was able to cover the child with his cloak and was coming out when a pillar fell on them. Utkarsh shielded the child and the pillar hit his head directly. Both were crushed underneath the pillar. Krushnachuda couldn't move. She was still. Her body started trembling and she fell unconscious.
She was taken to the hospital where she was treated. After regaining consciousness, she asked the nurse if she knew about a boy and the magician.
“Are they fine?”
“The boy is fine with some injuries but the magician who saved him is badly hurt. His head is bleeding. He is in the ICU. His condition is critical. Mostly, he will not survive.”
Krushnachuda was devastated. She was crying bitterly. She was afraid she would lose him. She was praying for his safety all day. At night, near her bed, she heard two nurses talking.
“The fire was bad. The whole building was ruined. More than a 100 people have been injured and around 80 people died.”
“It is the management who is at fault. They should have checked everything properly.”
“Yes and some of the patients have succumbed to their injuries. This morning a man named Utkarsh died.”
Krushnachuda's heart stopped after listening to this. She let the stream of tears fall from her eyes. She felt a knot in her chest and she knew that the knot would never release. She knew that her wait would be forever.
She became depressed. She lost her appetite. She didn't talk to anyone. She became quiet and lost a lot of weight. She would cry anytime. Slowly, she began to have suicidal thoughts. She tried to eat poison but her roommate saved her. They tried to comfort her. They tried to ask her what happened but she had become mute. “Will the pain ever go away”, she thought.
Her grades started going down. Seeing her state, her parents were called. They too tried asking her what happened but she said nothing. They took her home thinking that she might be missing home. That was the worst decision. The petty people started rumours. Some said that she was possessed. Some said that she must have been betrayed by her lover. Some said that her condition was the result of her being educated and that's why girls should be denied education. Some suggested to get her married and what not. Her parents too became frustrated. They started to ask her more strictly, sometimes screaming at her, and at others crying hysterically. But, her condition never improved.
However, one day her mother while cleaning the whole room came across her paintings which she never showed them. She gave those paintings to her and said, “My lovely daughter, I never knew you paint this well. I don't know what happened to you. You are not telling me either. Atleast, put your emotions in your paintings. Atleast talk to us. Please…”
Her mother left her alone upon finding no answers. Slowly, Krushnachuda started seeing all the paintings she had drawn. All the blocked emotions came out. She cried and screamed hysterically, like a mad woman. That was her let out. After an hour, she was shushed by her own cries. And decided to take up the paintbrush again. She started painting. Soon, she started selling her paintings. She created her own website and also some galleries agreed to showcase her paintings. Soon, she gained a living by painting. She completed her education and got a job in a school too. She became a little lively but lost her old self. Her parents, though happy, were sad too. Soon, she moved to Cuttack. She settled there. She started painting more and sold her paintings too. Whenever she missed Utkarsh, she would go to the beach. And that day, she went there too.
One month passed since that day, when she met a stranger and thought him to be Utkarsh. It was the day when some of her paintings were to be showcased in a gallery. She got ready and headed there. Many people were gathered to see her paintings. People's faces were plastered with a smile. Some had a serious expression on their face suggesting they could feel her pain. She loved to look at their faces. She was looking at them as usual when she found a known face. The stranger came to see her paintings. She smiled a little and went to greet him.
“Hello, Mr Stranger, we met again”, she exclaimed excitedly.
“Oh hello, you are the one crying on the beach. The ardent lover. Nice to meet you again ma'am.”
“Well, do you like my paintings? Is it to your liking sir, or do I need to improve?”
The man was shocked. His mouth widened like the astonished face emoji and he exclaimed, “Really! You made this amazing painting. You are great. I love these paintings. These paintings show many emotions, your emotions I am sure. You are brilliant.”
The stranger showered her with praise. She laughed and thanked him. It was the first time after many years that she laughed heartily.
“Well, if you are okay, I would love to know your story.”
She smiled and said, “Let's talk over some tea.”
They went and sat in the nearest cafe and ordered two cups of tea. Then she started her story. After she finished, she found tears rolling down the man's eyes.
“Are you okay, sir?”
“I don't know. I feel as if I am a part of this story. You are braver than you think, truly.”
She smiled and thought that Utkarsh also said the same thing while leaving the town.
She just thanked him. She asked him about himself. He said that he was a psychologist. They talked for a few more hours about random things and then the man said, “I am very lucky to follow my passion. I am a psychologist but I follow my passion too.”
“So, psychology is not your passion?”
“No, my passion is something else. I will show you. You will feel happy I know.” He asked her to come to a park near his house. He gave her the address and said, “See you there on Sunday at sharp 6pm”
She smiled and agreed. However, while leaving he asked her name and she said, “My name is Krushnachuda.”
“Means Gulmohar. You have a lovely name.”
“Thank you. And your name?”
“You will get to know soon.”
He went away. Krushnachuda smiled and whispered to herself, “Weird person.”
Sunday came and she got ready to go to the park he had mentioned. She had no idea what the surprise would be. But she could believe that person.
She went there and waited for 5 minutes when the man came and greeted her.
“Hello, Miss Gulmohar, did I make you wait more?”
“Definitely not sir.”
So, shall we go for a surprise?”
“Indeed.”
He took her inside the park. At one place, there is a raised platform with chairs in the front. He made her sit in the front row and said, “I will be right back.”
Ten minutes passed and more people joined. She could not understand anything. After another ten minutes, the lights dimmed, the spotlights focused on the person. The stranger, but not the stranger anymore. Krushnachuda's heart skipped a beat. She couldn't believe her eyes.
“Should I believe my eyes or should I believe the words my ear had heard years ago?”
She was happy and yet confused. The stranger was none other than her Utkarsh. He started his magic and she stared at him. Tears rolling down her eyes. After the magic finished, everyone clapped and eventually left. But she didn't leave her seat. She was stuck. Suddenly, he descended the stairs. Seeing him, she cried and ran towards him. She hugged him and he hugged her too. She released the hug and screamed at him, “Why did you not meet me? Do you have any idea how much I have waited? Do you have any idea how much I went through? Why…”
She broke down. He held her in his arms strongly and said, “I had forgotten you. After I left the town, I forgot about you. It was Subodh who was sending you those emails. He did that so that he could ask you to come there and take advantage of you. The fire started. While saving the child, I was injured. Another person who shared the same name as mine died, not me. I was given a new life. That life is for you. I am sorry. For me, you went through so much. I am really sorry. I will never leave you again. I will never forget you. Can you give me another chance?”
“I have loved you even when you didn't know. I have loved you so much that I decided to wait. But why did you forget me?”
“I am so sorry. For me, you were my patient. I am really sorry. But you were a great friend too. Now that I look back, I feel stupid to leave my friend alone. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” He pleaded with her to forgive him.
Krushnachuda stayed silent for some moment and then said, “Let's start afresh. I don't know you either. I just recently met you. Let's start as two strangers. The same way we had started earlier. Can we do that?”
Utkarsh smiled amidst his tears and said, “Sure.”
“Hello, I am Utkarsh. I am a psychologist and a secret magician. May I know your name?”
“My name is Krushnachuda. I am a painter. Can we be friends?”
A new chapter started ending the old chapter.
THE END
By Ananya Anindita Jena
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