By Sarah Daniel
My fingers twitch, and my body trembles in horror. I had done it again. Guilt floods my system, only to be swiftly consumed by the familiar numbness. How much longer must I deal with this foolishness, with this damnation? How much more pain must I endure to ensure that my body rejects the very act? How much more hatred must I fuel within myself every time I give in to the temptation, the addiction, the foolhardy pleasure? How many times must I return to my own vomit until my entire being grows cold with loathing? How much more must I persevere to win the war between my flesh and my spirit?
Boredom, stress, fear, envy, jealousy, sadness, loneliness—why must these things force upon me the desire for a distraction, to choose dopamine to suppress my adrenaline or the lack thereof? Why must I suffer the desire to be my best self? Why must my soul yearn for righteousness when it would be easier to concede defeat and let the insanity consume me?
By Sarah Daniel
Comments