By Dhruv Goyal
Ritvik looks at the barbershop around 10:30 am on a Sunday
Ritvik: Aj to haircut, shave, head massage, detanning, eyebrows sab karwaunga. Monday ko ekdum chikna launda banke office jaunga!
He smiles and opens the door
And 10,000+ uncles and boys look at him from the inside
Song on TV: AAiye aapka intezaar tha
Barber no 1: Haan aaiye bhaiye, aa jaieye.
Ritvik: Kitta time lagega?
Barber no 1: bas 20 mins
Ritvik somehow finds space to sit by asking the others to scootch
After 25 mins…
Ritvik: Bhaiya 20 mins hogae hain, aur kitta time lagega?
Barber no 1: Bas bhaiya 5-10 min aur.
Person 1 (sitting next to Ritvik): Mereko idhr 1 ghanta hogya hai wait krte krte
Person 2: Main to idhr subha se baitha hua hu. Mera number abhi tak nai aya!
Person 3: Bas bohot hogya, I quit!
Person 3 takes a razor and slashes his neck and runs outside
Barber no 2: Kuch logo se sabr nai hota! Khair aap logo ka number ab jaldi aa jaega!
Ritvik: Main kahin sapna to nai dekh ra. Khudko chunti kaat kr dekhta hu! Ya apne bagal wale ko chunti kaatu? Agr sapna nai hua to dard hoga.
Ritvik pinches Person 1. Person 1 looks at him naughtily!
Person 1: Kya baat hai subah subah hi, mood me? Aao kabhi haveli pe!
Ritvik: Are nai nai, main to bas ye check kr rat ha ki kahin main sapna to nai dekh ra.
Person 1: Nai bro, sapna nai sab sach hai. Ab Love krna apna hak hai!
Ritvik: Thank you bhaiya. Main kahin aur jaake baith ta hun.
After shifting a few people here and there, Ritvik finds another spot to sit.
While the barbers are full-fledged-ly servicing their clients. One is getting facial while the other is getting head massage.
Ritvik: Pta nai kya sochkr maine Sunday choose kia yaha aane ko. Papa sai kehte hain, Sunday ko 7 bje hi naai pr pohonch jana chaiye. Ab kya karun?
Person 4: Bro, PUBG?
Ritvik: Haan waise to vegan hu, par game me to Chicken Dinner banta hai! Let’s Go!!!
They both start playing!
After 2-3 hours, Ritvik looks up!
Ritvik: Bhaiya ab kya position hai?
Barber 1: Bas bhaiya ho hi gya, bas aapka hi number hai next.
Ritvik: Jitta time wait krne me lagaya hai, uska dugna iski kursi par lagagunga. Bhaiya hair spa krte ho kya?
Barber 2: Bhaiya aap kaho to full service bi de denge (hahahah)
Ritvik: Hain?
Barber 2 (whispering in ear): Bhaiya har customer ko alag alag type ka spa chaiye hota hai, to isliye hum full service dete hai. Aapko jo bi krwana ho.
Ritvik: theek theek hai. Aap, haircut, shave, head massage aur hair spa kr dena.
Ritvik make a sheepish face and looks at the others sitting next to him.
Some smile at him, while some give him thumbs up.
Ritvik: Aap log abhi tak yahin baithe ho? Aapko kuch nai krwana?
Person 1: Na na, main to ghr pr bore hora tha!
Ritvik to Person 2: Aur aapko?
Person 2: Nai bro, main to morning walk pr nikla tha. Barber bhaiya ne bola aao chill krte hain!
Ritvik: Acha acha
Ritvik to Person 4: Aur aap yaha PUBG khelne aaye honge?
Person 4: Nai bro, main to idhr intern hu.
Ritvik: To aap kuch krte kyu nai?
Person 4: Kr to rha hu, PUBG bro!
Ritvik: Nai matlab, cutting wagrah!
Person 4: Na na, mera department alag hai.
Ritvik: Kaunsa department?
Person 4: PR bro, Public relations :P (winks at him)
Ritvik pinches himself this time. But he does not wake on his bed.
Ritvik to Barber 1: Bhaiya kya chal, kya raha hai idhr?
Barber 1: Pankha, kenchi, TV, aur aapki jaban!
Ritivik: Kya matlab aapka?
Barber 2: Are bhaiya, bore hogae the. Bakchodi kr re aapse. Relax aao aap mere pass aao.
Ritivk: Nai Nai bhaiya, main aapke pass to katai nai aane wala.
Ritvik walks to Barber 1 and looks at him shaving a dummy!
Ritvik: Whaaat daaa? Ye aap ek dummy ki shave kyu bna rhe ho?
Barber 1: Wo bhaiya isko aaj Rocky bhai se Salman khan ban na tha islie.
Ritvik: Nai matlab, ye to ek dummy haina? Isko kya jarurat in sabki?
Barber 2: Bhaiya shauk bdi cheez hai.
Ritivik: Haan mje pta hai, aapke lie to hai. Par main ye kehra hu ki, aapne mere 3 ghante barbaad krwae aur aap log plastic ke dummy pr haath saaf kr rhe ho. Ye kya bawal hai?
Person 4 walks upto Ritvik!
Person 4: Are bro main hu na. Main aapko samjhata hu idhr ka funda. Par uske lie hume flashback me jana padega!
They go into a flashback and see the barbershop full of customers just like today. Clock moves at a faster pace. Customers keep coming and going. Barbers keep on working…
Person 4: To basically Sunday aate rhe, yaha kaam hota rha. Par hum naaiyo ke baare me kisine nai socha. Bichare bina kuch piye khae, lage rehte the. Kiski gardan chatkate, to kiske ganjepan ko chupate chupate; inki kamar jarur toot jati.
Ritvik: Acha, bohot jada kaam hota hai, Sunday ko! To aap Sunday ko extra staff rakh lo.
Person 4: Haan tabhi to hmare maalik ne LinkedIn pr Internship daali aur main aya.
Flashback me ab LinkedIn and then Person 4 ki hiring dikhti hai.
Ritvik: Fir kya hua?
Person 4: Bro maine sab badal dia.
Ritivk: Kaise?
Person 4: Dekho bro, Sunday ko kamai to jada hoti hai. Par jo sharer toot-ta hai usko sai krne me sara raat me kharch ho jata tha.
Ritvik: Itti dikkat hai to, Sunday ko dukaan mat kholo naa! Ya fir kuch aur kaam dhund lo.
Person 4: Na na, na na. Bro, I do not forfeit; always Chicken Dinner!
Flashback se wapas aate hue…
Ritvik: To kya kiya fir?
Person 4: Aao dikhae, aapko apna dhinchak idea!
Ritvik: Haan bilkul..
Person 4: Humko dukaan khuli raakhni thi, barber log ko busy dikhana tha, aapke jaise customers ko wait krana tha aur mehnat bi nai krni thi!
Ritvik: To kya kiya?
Person 4: Road pr chlte khaali log pakde. Unko free lunch promise kiya aur waiting line me baitha dia.
Rivitk: Aur ye dummy?
Person 4: Taaki barber log bore na ho!
Ritivik: Aur wo aadmi jisne apna gala kaat lia?
Person 4: Actor hai Bechara, par kahi kaam nai mil ra. Upr se Impromptu me thoda kaccha tha. To har Sunday chala ata hai, kuch naye Andaz me marne ke liye!!
Ritvik: Acha ab mera kuch hoga ya idhr PUBG khelne aya hu?
Person 4: Haan bilkul, agla number aapka hi to hai!
Person 4 whistles and Barber 1 throws away the dummy on his chair! Then, they bow to Ritivk…
Barber 1: Aaie Sir, aapka number aa gya!
Ritvik: Finally!
Barbers do a dance to celebrate their Boni!!!
By Dhruv Goyal
Love a good dialogue story