October12

By Aastha Nagi

And there we were, riding the bikes, as fast as we could, through the night. And i can not believe that i get to call it a we. that i got to be a part of it. Straight out of a lorde song, it was a dream, a imagined scenario coming to life in better than the best ways i had imagined. There were 7 of us. Me with her. Like it was obvious. It feels surreal to even say it. Me behind her. Her brother and his friend on another and 2 other girls on another. It was a group, it was her group. And it felt like i was in it. Like not just herbut all of them wanted me there. At points we were not driving we were flying. With our hair flying back and i having to lean even closer to her to makeout what she was saying. I looking at her because she did not feel real even then. Her brother and the friend started to drift and she pointed and laughed and called them kids, like i wasnt one of them. But she was afteral, the eldest daughter. Driving so fast it seriously felt like the moon might lose the race and here it was my we were infinite moment. I dont know what she told them about me, i dont even want to know. But i know that the way her brother looked at me, was the most lovingly look id ever seen. I knew he would go home and say we look alike. I just knew he would. I dont think ive ever felt more special. From the moment we started driving, to the moment we started flying and then the 7 of us came all the way back to make sure i reached at time. All of it, for me, all of it straight out of a movie. All of it surreal. Tell the march me this and watch her fall to the ground and lose her mind. So yes. It really did happen, i really did go out with her, i really did get to be that physically close with her, i did get to be with her. God it feels surreal to even say it. She is so beautiful i have trouble believing she is even real and that i did not make her up. I spend one moment with her and i no longer want to escape to books or live inside movies. I want to be here. In the place i other =wise call a hell hole. I want to be in this world, the one she is in, which is no longer a hellhole because shes in it. I want to be in the dimension she is. At all times. Its oneof the moments , where you get the silly feeling, that you could spend your whole life like this, with this person, like you would do anything to be with them at all times possible. And there we were, 3 bikes, 7 kids, well 5 adults 2 kids. Driving thru the night like we were in a lorde song, stopping every once in a while to decide where we are heading to and changing it the next second. Stopping to make fun of each other, to look at the time, because they had to get rhis little special girl home by time. Earplugs in my ears with ghostly kisses thru them. And this was it, this was that feeling, it feels so scary getting old, feels so scary to know she wont be here tomorrow or maybe shell get a job out of town and move. Feels so scary knowing ill go too. Farther than she everwanted to. This was that feeling that god please have mercy not this one, i dont want to lose this one feeling. And yes i did notice, all of it, her trying to skim through narrow places in traffic jams to make sure i get home safe and by time. So she says you all go ahead i dont want to go, ill drop them off. But her little group loves her. Enough to not go without her. So she when she drops me back home. They all do too. And then they tak her with them. And so yes maybe i caused problems that day, maybe they had to come around 2 times because of me. But if i did, they did not show it. And they were happy or they looked so. And they were having fun. But they do this all the time. It was a normal 20s night for them. And THE moment for me. Because id ont think i knew what love or coming of age or mystical or love was till yesterday. Till the moment she said get on and i did. Till i hugged her and she hugged back maybe ever tighter. Yes i think she did. She did hug back tighter. And i went home, forgetting her face her voice her scent. Once again. But that meant i would see her again. And it will be just like the first time i saw her and even better. How manytimes could you fall in love with same person. I hope i have a decent amount of time to figure that out. And there she is. Merely existing and living without realising it. There she is, so beautiful, almost as if she is not even real. And i thank every god that made her. Its one of those moments that you know you will never get to live again even while youre in it, the moment you know you will miss so much even while youre in it. The moment youll tell you rchildren and future about even when youre in it. And you are so scared. So scared that you will not remember how it felt, what they said, and how it went. And you are so scared that you might lose her and them even though you dont even have them yet. But you have never been happier and sadder at the same time. And you have never been more grateful. 

Night, scooty, bike, me with her, so close, night, riding fast, K drifting, screams laughs, night, her hair her mole, her firmness, her voice, her quirks her unrealness, moon, dark abandoned buildings, car lights, speeding, hair flying, the group, the ‘what about her family” as if he knew me as if he knew them. Him saying his name with such “ive known u since u werre a child and love u and know u and have a say over u’ tone. And the whole act. Like me, the minor, was a part of them, like theyd known me forever, like i do this witht them all the time, like they knew what they were doing , the mole on her hand, her eyes, the only part of her face i could see, the black underneath them. The resemblance in her brother. I dont knwo or understand why they would do that for me, but i am so so glad. And i feel so so included, and it is night time, it is muy time, it is the prime time and love truly is not red it is silver like the moon like her, and golden like her love for the day and sunlight. Wind i n our hair, speeding, laughing, screaming, looking back for each others scooties/bikes, the “ok so where are we going now’ every 10 seconds. And god 

God how lucky would a girl be to live more moments like this. To live this again. 

No one has ever been this nice to me. 

Angel. 

I laid my eyes on her last year for the first time 

I got to be in her arms this year for the first ime. 

Talk about a lucky girl. 

Lucky lucky girl. To love someone who is nice to them. Atleast for now. 

And then the girl is expected to go back to her place to live her life normally without them, without her. How does one do that. You change me you alter me and then fade away. But god for this lucky girl, you come back again. Please never stop coming back. You have ruined all the places in the world for me that you will not be with me in. you have ruined every moment of time for me in which you will not be with me. You have ruined it all. And you have drowned me, in your fairy blood lake. You have flourished my life. How could i ever tell you how couldi ever thank you. Youre not just a girl. You definitely are not just agirl. 

This was a long time coming. 

A long long time coming

Thank you god 

This was so much more than enough. To hell with my human nature and desire for more. I am so very grateful i could cry, i think i just saw her for the first time all over again. God have mercy, or dont, just keep her thriving, keep her existing and hopefully living. Its all i need. Her. under the same roof. Close. I know we will never be close enough. But close. Please god. Keep her. Keep this one. I want this oen. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you 

By Aastha Nagi