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Monkey Business

Noted Nest

Updated: Oct 4, 2024

By Ashvani Sachdev



As Raghottam entered the room, Naresh yelled, “You could have been in time for an emergency  meeting at least.” Raghottam ignored him, ambled lazily to a chair, sliding it out noisily before  plonking on it heavily, all of his hundred odd kgs fitting snugly between its armrests. Naresh  began to speak even while Raghottam was settling down. 

“Gentlemen, the quorum is met. I call this emergency meeting of our residents’ welfare  association to order. The single point agenda is to deal with this damn monkey who created  havoc in the club house yesterday.” 

Two members raised their hands to speak, simultaneously breaking out into voluble tirades  against the monkey. The louder of the two outlasted the other and Naresh heard him warn the  others of what might happen over the next few days if the monkey was not evicted  expeditiously.  

Naresh interrupted, “Yes, I am already looking at options including getting rid of the bloody  bastard.” He pointed a closed fist with its index finger pointed at no one in particular to mime  a fired pistol. 

Raghottam sank a bit more into his chair and spoke lazily but loudly enough to be heard over  the uneasy babble, “Don’t call it a monkey. It is an embodiment of Shri Hanuman Ji and is  sacred to all of us. An attack on Shri Hanuman would be taken as an attack on me personally  and I will take suitable reprisal action……” He left it hanging there.  

Naresh avoided looking at Raghottam and addressed the house, “The monkey’s actions  yesterday were dangerous and unacceptable, not to mention that they caused a lot of damage  to property. We have to get rid of it by any means.” 

A resident spoke out, “I have heard that if you get a black langoor, all monkeys run away from  the area…..”

Naresh said, “But where will you get a langoor from? Do you know a source we could tap?” There was silence around the table. Raghottam drawled again, “What we need to do is to  arrange a pooja for Shri Hanuman as He has considered our apartment block worthy of his  presence.” 

Naresh noticed some sneers across the table and ignored the suggestion of a pooja altogether.  The meeting went on for half an hour but there was no firm course of action that promised  immediate succour from the scary simian. It adjourned with an appeal to all present to look at  options until they met again. 

The situation was precipitated the next day by the monkey going hyperactive and attacking two  children and Naresh’s wife Uma without any provocation. Naresh was witness to the attack on  Uma which was bizarre inasmuch as the monkey leapt on her shoulder from behind, causing  her to fall on the ground. As she lay there, too frightened to scream, he sat on her chest and  caressed her left cheek with his right paw. Naresh and a couple of others waited helplessly and  hesitated to approach the monkey lest he get violent. Someone brought iron rods and a baseball  bat to assail the monkey. By then, tiring of this exercise, he made off with a giant leap but not  before giving hapless Uma’s braided hair a mighty tug that broke her petrified silence into long  wails of terror.  

Naresh was enraged by the incident and resolved to do something about it. He approached the  municipal corporation to trap the monkey and passed the word around on all his WhatsApp  groups to locate a langoor owner who could come over in a hurry. As an indication of his intent  (and to demonstrate to Uma that he meant business) he started carrying his air gun around with  him whenever he left his flat.  

He was shocked to notice the next day that Raghottam was now carrying his double barrel shot  gun with him whenever he came out on the road. Once when Naresh and Raghottam crossed  each other on the road, Raghottam patted his shot gun which he had slung over his right 

shoulder. To Naresh the message was as clear as if it had been spoken: You kill Shri Hanuman,  I will kill you! 

Over the next two days, the monkey kept his pattern unchanged, wreaking mayhem at the  swimming pool by swiping clothes from the ladies’ and gents’ changing rooms, entering one  flat whose owner had carelessly left a window open and scattering the contents of his  refrigerator all over his living room, and perching himself on top of a school bus when it arrived  at the apartment block thus scaring the driver, the conductor and the school kids waiting to  board the bus. 

On the third day, when his mobile rang, Naresh picked it up with trepidation. Ten seconds later,  he jumped up and was out of his flat in a trice. A crowd had already gathered near the club  house by the time he reached there. What caught his eye first was Raghottam with his shot gun  in his hand facing a bunch of about fifteen people who faced him but kept their distance. As  Naresh neared the scene he saw a man lying motionless on the ground. His chest appeared to  have been splashed with red paint; his left hand was spread out to his side while the right hand  still clutched what Naresh recognized as a tranquiliser gun.  

Apparently, Raghottam had never seen a tranquiliser gun before and, on seeing its wielder aim  at the monkey, hearing a shot fired, and watching the monkey collapse on to the ground, he had  fired at the unfortunate person now lying dead on the ground. It turned out that he was a  member of the tranquilising and trapping team whose other members had by now secured the  monkey in a net and were carting it to an animal rescue vehicle. 

As the shrieks of approaching sirens grew louder, Naresh looked at Raghottam with revulsion  and pity. Raghottam stared back impenitently.


By Ashvani Sachdev





 
 
 

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