Dearest Theo, With Love.

By Reetika Verma

Dearest Theo,

When you receive this letter, I know you'll feel I have not been honest with you in many significant aspects of my life. 

It is known to all — the circumstances in which our marriage came into existence. I never wished for your hand to be forced to be given to me in marriage in such an obligatory plea. But since it happened anyway, I'm bound by the reality of our relationship — and marriage — both of which is solely friendship — to adddress this matter of concern. 

Never feel you'd be cheating on my father's wishes by reading my request. I share blood and mind with him, and I've it on good authority that he shall never blame you for choosing something your heart desires for over something you're obliged to do as a duty. 

You've given me the protection of your name and status of your family in the society, for which my father, believe me— God bless his soul— would always find only grateful things to say to you.

As his only daughter, his concerns have been rested now. Quite fairly and satisfactorily, I must admit. His enemies no longer are out in the open and have been captured lawfully for their due and deserving punishment. 

I'm aware we married four years ago, for you to ensure my safety, and security, which by doing so also fulfilled the promise you made with my father in his last days of life. 

I wish for you to know that you've always been the kindest to me in this marriage, as much fake as it was only for the sake of keeping pretenses. 

I've never known the moment of unhappiness in terms of attention, wealth or security from your side, in any moment of my days being spent with you. You've always been there for my needs as well as my situations, which sometimes I'm sure must have driven you to annoyance. 

In these times of Oppression of Womanly Rights, your generosity to offer me freedom to pursue my interest in Arts shall never go unattended with immense gratefulness from my side. 

And since you've been so obliging and giving to me for these past four years, I greatly wish to grant you an early Complementary Present for our incoming Fifth Anniversary. 

I know you'll not deny me to return your kindness but I'm still determined to be stubborn if you tried to stop me nonetheless. 

Mark me ready and obstinate to argue with you in all the ways of ensuring your happiness from my side. You must know, you've been warned in earnest that I shall not accept a No for my request — as well as the refusal of my thoughtful gift. 

I've been thinking of the return of Adaline from her Continental Farewell for a while. She had made quite a name of herself as an Theatrical Actress here. And we both know very well how that was her only dream that she was so stuck upon in insistence. 

I do not wish to remind you of the days when she took the drastic step and broke the engagement with you in order to pursue her dream career, but it would seem she regrets her rash decision taken in a hurried way since she very much desires to renew her old relationship with you. 

As well as the part to which the said relationship progressed to— engagement and an impending life of a wife with you. And it wouldn't be too much of her ambitions to still think the proposal would still be valid since I am known of the fact that you would also never like to decline this chance of being with her — again — and she, truthfully, didn't betray you in any way — either emotionally or physically — since she was never with any other man during the course of her journey in pursuing her career.

As she's my sister, I know her feelings well enough. She wrote to me, pleading how she wished to beg you to reconsider to take her back and she'd apologize for her cruel rashness in any way possible. But since you refuse to reply to any of her letters, she's too anxious and miserable to know what the future holds in the outcome for both of you. 

I believe I'm in a dilemma here. You're my good friend, Theo, and she's my only sister, al-beit a stepsister, but a sister nonetheless. 

We're both aware of your love, and heartbreak for her — which, I believe and daresay — has not dimmed a bit for her. I've seen you roaming about the gardens in the dead of nights to the prematurity of sunrises, contemplating, of course, what must be the right course of action you should take upon in such a situation. 

And since besides being your friend, and the favourable companion of yours in this marriage, I shall always suggest you to go with your heart. You no longer need to sacrifice anything for me, or for my departed father.

I believe you've done everything you could've done to respect your promise with him. I assure you of this, Theo, that he shall never fault you for choosing your own happiness now.

And neither would I, as his wise daughter as well as the equal party in this farce of our marriage. 

Therefore, I release you from any obligation to remain tied in this unnecessary marriage with me. You've every bit of a right to experience the moments of happiness — a memorable lifetime of forever — that you missed with my sister four years ago, and which, now that you still have the chance of it within your reach, you must never let it go. 

Your friendship provided me with nothing but abundance of patience and understanding for me these past years, the type of kindness which I couldn't be the recipient of for years. 

I've no desire to hold you back from the inevitable happiness and affection you certainly deserve with Adaline. I'd certainly encourage you all the more to just be brave and courageous and perhaps find it in your heart to forgive her for her immaturity at her lapse of judgement for that time. 

I'm of the thought that she would never wish to part with you again if you could take the required last step to embrace the inevitability of this situation. 

And, in doing so, could embrace her back in your life as well. 

Perhaps, the letter which you keep within the last drawer of your desk would serve to remind you that you've been unable to forget her as well as she undoubtedly could not forget you in return, even after so many years of being apart. 

Please do not think I hold you in any kind of hatred for yearning for my older sister while you were still married to me. One can never — should never — fault oneself for being in the clutches of an unconditional love, even if the object of one's affections should prove to be the worst sort of evil or cruelly betray them in the end. 

Or not even choose them at all. 

But, my sister is no evil and I think you already know — and wish to know more about her new life — anymore than I could ever tell you. Could ever even convince you to think of her otherwise. 

I request you heartily to allow me to act on my way of returning the same level of kindness that I've been the recipient of for years and years, from your side. 

You will not question my decisions any further, will you? I truly hope not, Theo. 

You must believe it shall make me the most fortunate one to be able to provide you with something to be happy and satisfied about in life as well, the privilege of which you've given me for the full duration of our marriage. 

Do be kind and accept my kindness in return by giving me the chance to release you from this formal obligatory agreement. Do not doubt yourself for a moment, I plead you. It will all end very well in the end. 

It will, I'm sure of it. 

In the matters of heart, one must always be quick and eager to grab the opportunity as one never knows when another one would present itself — or even present at all — in the future. 

I have decided to leave most of my possessions in the room, for they were not the ones I bought with me when I came onto the Sinclair Manor, our home for the past four years. I shall only take whatever belonged to me before I became your wife. 

Anything more to take would be to push myself to the height of greediness and temptation, two things I cannot allow myself to indulge into. 

One must never desire or yearn for things way out of their reach, as one is bound to be hurt or broken beyond repair in the end with lesser chances of recovery from their mistakes — and higher ambitions. 

Mind you, the mistake here would not be the one to desire something out of our league, in the first place. Rather it would be to believe that the desired thing could ever be able to belong to you. 

Oh, bother, I am once again preaching unnecessary Philosopher it would seem. It would not be too much happiness for you to know that finally you shall also be free of my endless talks and debates about Novels I'd read in the Library? I could still easily remember you sleeping your way in the middle of the conversation while I'd argue continuously about the authenticity of a random rubbish plot of the heroine being always in danger for the hero to rescue her from the villain and eventually realise her love for her. 

Oh, you were always so much in favour of those witless heroines— if only to make me stop my endless battles of characters in the end. 

How I will remember those Wednesday Debate Nights of Novels so much. And perhaps the way I bored you to death, as well. My most amusement always lied in the fact to annoy and tire you with my never-ending talks, to the point that I'd care less for the characters of the book I was debating on, and more on my chatter, to make sure I always had the right words to sound so sophisticated and complicated— which would undoubtedly shake you again into annoyance. 

What utter fun it was. For me, atleast. 

But you were always the most patient. Always have been. Never knew where you got such hefty loads of that. I'd love to beg you to let me borrow some of your patience as well as I surely require tonnes of it in my life. 

Your timely gifts have been an utmost source of happiness for me all these years, Theo. And you must forgive me for my rudeness, but I'm afraid I could not find in me to accept them after all. They've been thoughtful, I know, but perhaps you would wish to know that I've left Gardening as a hobby a long time ago. Two years ago, to be precise. It is not my passion or my pastime anymore. 

In that context, I also no longer find pleasure in playing Sheet Piano, and so the new one you gifted me last year should not have to be packed with me, right? It looks too good in the Vincent Hall to be removed for anywhere else. I just couldn't remove its beauty from its original place. It just would not suit anywhere else at all. 

And since I've given my Music School Teaching duties to Mrs. Colson this July, I do not think I'd require new Scores of Italian or French Music Sheets either. I've sent the package of Sheets of Sonata to her address, and I require as well as request you to check on her from time to time. She didn't take the recent death of her son very well, and it took her working and actual job for her mind to be free of that everlasting grief. 

You must visit her atleast once a month, Theo. She loves to take butter biscuits with her tea and I've had a Cook made freshly baked batch packed for her this week. I'm sure she would love your presence in the place of the memory of her departed son. 

Perhaps, she would heal from her miserable grief faster that way. I wish she'd soon return to her old days of having endless hope and strict determination in any hurdles of her life. 

In your days of drunkenness and the injury you endured as the result of the fall in the stairs, followed by rehabilitation of your Alcoholism, Mrs. Colson had been semblance of the utmost positivity by our side. 

Her generous help in those times of turbulence must never be forgotten, Theo, regardless of of my presence or absence. 

You would grant me this favour, would you not?

Your forgetfulness in remembering my hobbies have changed vastly over past four years doesn't make me sad or disappointed, Theo. It's just that, there are things I've already left behind. Things which no longer fascinate and interest me. Of course, I do not fault you for not being attentive enough to see through the changes in my measly small hobbies — truly, I can never blame you at all — and that is why I would request you for those belongings and gifts — both opened and unopened — to be distributed among the charity instead. Or perhaps donate them well for the cause of Society Donations for the Wellness of Orphans and Single Mothers. 

I'm of the feeling that they'd have use of those expensive articles and stationary, much more than I could do them any justice. 

Now, the most important clause remains the process of ending our marriage. I know I've not ever discussed this with you but I've taken the liberty to talk with my brother's lawyer and I've become known of many factors that would make this process much easier for us than it would have been for any other ones. 

The significant factor would be the non-consummation of our marriage. Mr. Newell, the lawyer, informed me that such marriages are never truly legal since the consummation of marriage is the only factor that stamps the holy union into a matrimony in the eyes of the law. 

This makes it far too easier to initiate the annulment of our marriage— which had never truly been the valid in the first place. 

And since we never shared a bed together, I also am not with child. Or am in any danger of having it after the annulment finalises. Or have any living child at all. 

Since the process itself for procuring a progeny was never in action, this makes the second positive point that'd help us gain independence from this situational union. 

Consequently, I'd also require no funds as a breaking party from this marriage. Any alimony the law would impose on me must also go to the charity. Or to the Society Donations for the Disables. I shall not accept any of your un-entailed properties as well. 

I'm well capable of handling and surviving myself, as you, who claims himself to be my good friend, must already know as well.

Now settling all the matters to rest, I hope I am of some help in relieving you of your obligatory responsibilities towards me. I've already filed for annulment a month ago, and so you shall receive the completed documents on the last of this week, or perhaps the beginning of the next week. 

Mr. Newell is in strict confidence that we shall get that annulment for sure. 

With this conclusion, I give you my best wishes in your life and also hope you'll continue to make the best for yourself in the future as you've been doing it for your past. I've seen your impressive growth when I was with you, and I will cheer from you from whichever part of the world I shall stay into. 

By no means should you feel bad about any of this, dearest Theo. I shall be quite happy to spend some time with my mother, even if I know you'd obviously be concerned her new husband would kick me out or pester me.

Do not think of me as a weakling. Or a simpleton. I know how to land a good facer and a punch strong enough to gush the wind out of the lungs. Or wield a knife strong enough to pull out the Pancreas. Therefore, fear not— for your lessons for my self—defense shall never go to waste. 

You can put your trust in me that I would be safe and well, wherever I go — as long as you are satisfied as well, and promise me to do your best at being healthy and happy in anything you do or undertake in your future endeavours. 

We shall be friends, as always. The current change in the status of our marriage would not affect our previous relationship, no matter what may hold for us in future. We must trust the time and let it heal the wounds— visible or not. 

I'll try my absolute best to remain in contact, Theo but you must forgive me,  for I would not be available that readily and easily as I've been in the past. There are things I must do and things I must stop myself from doing. Gaining my balance back to my previous life would certainly require more time and so, I cannot tell for certain when next we'd be able to sit and chat like our usual selves again. 

Perhaps, when we next meet— by chance or plan— you and I would be able to spend some wishful time together, without the boundary and burden of our obligations to each other and what others expect from us. 

Just as friends. Good friends. 

Nothing less. Nothing more, as you've always said, right? 

I bid you Goodbye, and hope you would not begrudge me for this rash action of mine. Surely, it seems I've wisdom enough for both of us. And I have a feeling that perhaps you'd not hate me that much for taking this unilateral decision on my own after all. Even you must see what is sensible for this situation. 

I only worded in this letter what both of us seem to want. So you need not feel any guilt or responsibility for any of my actions. 

Besides, it was already decided the marriage was meant to last only two years, and so, the additional two years were only an extension to the bond and burden of responsibilities neither of us wanted, right? 

Finally, it feels independence after all. I hope you'd come to accept this emotion, and more, as well. 

By no means should you hate me for this, Theo, or even if you must hate me, and are unable to find yourself willing to forgive me for this sudden decision of mine, I would not be unhappy with you. 

I could never be unhappy with you, Theo, even if I wish to be— honestly, I want to, so, so much — at times. 

But I couldn't find in myself disappointed or mad at you. I fear it's one of the many advantages you've upon me and now that I've said it aloud, you know it as well. Not that I would care now when it can be my good parting gift to you. 

A gift I must leave behind in the memory of our time together, don't you think? 

A shocking revelation, isn't it? Ha! 

Knowing you and Adaline both are my favourite and the most beloved people in my life — it only makes my duty to take the first step in ensuring your foolishness doesn't spoil the rarity of the happily ever after that can be so easily achieved between the two of you. 

In that hope, I'm leaving the address of my sister's new home, in the drawer where you've kept her previous letters. I hope you'd do what is right, Theo — both, for Adaline. 

And for me. 

I wish you a very Good Day, Mr. Theodore Sinclair. 

Until next time, 

Yours, most truly,

Miss Sophie Merriweather. 

PS: You must watch out for the bouquets of daisies decorated in the Front Hall, since they're in their fullest bloom in this season, and can surely aggravate your repulsion with them any moment if you ever came in contact with them unconsciously. If that happens anyway, you must ask Matilda to call for Dr. Lawrence since your old family doctor has gone out of Town for Professional Business. Any further delay would only worsen your condition, so do be careful, Theo. 

By Reetika Verma