Can We Be Our Authentic Selves?

By Reema M Raj

Synopsis:

Is social media taking away our uniqueness? Our authenticity? What effects has social media had on us? And how would it be to not be stuck in a toxic cycle of external validation?

Growing up in the 90’s was so magical. Our childhood was simple. Studying at school. Playing outdoors. Riding bicycles. Eating ice pops, we fondly called ‘Pepsi’. Those were truly carefree days. I think we were our truest selves in our childhood. We laughed easily, we were playful, and we knew how to have fun. Then we grew up and things changed.

Life was a challenge as a teenager. We went through so many changes, and all our insecurities shot up. We just wanted to fit in. We ended up comparing ourselves to the people around us. What we wore, how much money we had, did they like us? But our ‘circumference of comparison’ was just limited to our surroundings, people we knew growing up, or whom we went to school with. That was it. 

It took us a while to find ourselves and then be comfortable with the person we were in our twenties. We finally started earning and became adults. We were just beginning to get a hang of what life was, and the script got flipped. Instagram started gaining popularity, and the world was suddenly available to us at our fingertips. We initially were used to Orkut and Facebook, but Instagram was the app that attracted all of us Millennials. In a decade’s time, social media has become an intrinsic part of our lives. Yes, it has brought people who were living apart closer, but it also brought with it a Pandora’s box of problems.

Next generation Gen Z grew up in the day and age of social media. They didn’t know a world where phones and social media didn’t exist. In their teenage years, their insecurities have multiplied exponentially as their ‘circumference of comparison’ has now extended to the entire world. If we look around at today’s teenagers, especially teenage girls, they dress the exact same way, they want to look a certain way, and they are very into the way they look. They don’t like anything about themselves that sets them apart from the beauty standards on social media. 

I cannot talk about social media and not discuss the biggest influencers of our generation, ‘Kardashian family’. Three of the Kardashian-Jenner sisters are in the top ten most followed Instagram accounts in the world. All five of them are in the top twenty. Some of them have been vocal about their plastic surgeries, botox, fillers, and all the work they get done, but the influence that has had on women to look a certain way, especially teenagers, is dangerous. The pressure to have a straight nose, wear makeup all the time, wear certain types of clothes, and post on social media. 

There is a Time magazine article about the family and their influence on the rise of plastic surgery. The American Society for Plastic Surgeons found an increase in enhancement procedures by 256% since 2000. I think people get procedures done to make themselves feel better, but I personally believe it has the opposite effect. People are willing to change something that has been given to them as a gift by the Creator. We can consider that to be God/the Universe/Mother Nature. We are picking out things that set us apart, something that makes us unique and original. We are trying to look like someone on our phone, and there is a high possibility that the person themselves don’t look like that in real life. This disconnect of who we are and what we are supposed to look like causes a lot of problems.

What have we become since the boom of social media? According to the Mayo Clinic, teenagers spending three hours a day on social media were at a higher risk of mental illnesses. According to the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, the influence of social media can lead to eating disorders among teen and adolescent girls. Even adults aren’t able to deal with this. According to the University of California–Davis Health, it fuels anxiety, depression, and FOMO (fear of missing out) in adults as well.

Is there any truth to what gets posted on social media? Couples posting happy pictures who might be miserable with each other. People who feel low are posting some selfies just to get a dopamine hit. Just how many of us would do certain things if they didn’t get to post about it later? How many of us can travel to a place and not post anything about it? Just be in the moment and have fun. It’s all about external validation now. What happens when we rely too much on social media? Everything becomes about how we are perceived by others, leading us to change our behaviour based on what is considered acceptable or liked by people on our phone. But what does that actually strip us away from? Our authenticity. Our ORGINALITY. What we are meant to be. 

When our creator gave us a place on this earth, he gave us something unique just to us, our fingerprints. Through millions and billions of people to have walked this earth, he still took the time to make every fingerprint unique. What does that say to us? Whoever created us, clearly something bigger, better, and smarter than us, knew what they were doing? And maybe has decided a purpose for us as well. So how do we know what we are meant to do? Be the authentic person the Creator intended us to be. No one has the exact same life experiences. We are all unique. I truly believe we all have an original blueprint gifted to us by our creator for us to achieve something bigger than us. And can we really do that if we look at social media for our external validation? Can we truly know ourselves, our likes and dislikes, unless we shut off the external voices?

What are we at our core? I am still that girl who loves to get drenched in the rain and jump in the puddle. A girl with a lot of hopes and dreams. A girl who got caught on to the dark cycle of mindless scrolling and seeking validation from the apps. A girl who wanted to get to know herself better. I just made a few changes. Since I have stopped posting on social media, I feel amazing about myself. I have been working out regularly, going on hikes, and playing sports, but not a single thing on social media. I am more focused on my job. I love all the things that I do, but I don’t’ feel a need to share them online. I am happy and content with ‘JUST MY VALIDATION’. I am feeling closer to myself and finally feel I like myself. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out, take efforts to look good, and take pictures of myself. I just don’t feel the need to post them. I feel beautiful. And now, when people meet me, I have a lot of things to share with them, as they are clueless to my whereabouts. It makes for good conversations and even better relationships. 

I believe originality isn’t dead, but it definitely is buried deep within each of us. We just need to take the pains of removing the unwanted layers. Going on that journey will bring us closer to ourselves and our originally authentic selves. I am on the journey myself. Are you willing to join me?

By Reema M Raj