By Dr. Iman Hanif
There is a transformational phase that a woman may go through after an arranged marriage. Relocating from her paternal house to her in-law’s, could mean a complete paradigm shift and sometimes one gets to face a heart wrenching moment. Most in laws in Asian families never showcase contentment, be it to the brides, or to their folks. But for Aarfah, it was her husband himself who behaved indifferent .
Aarfah is a 32 year old doctor, who hails from a middle class south Indian Pathan family. She was the apple of her father’s eyes, and the only daughter to her parents. She finished her studies from a well-known college in Bangalore, took 5 years to clear her Bachelor’s in medicine. Initially, she was kinda naïve and dependent on people for her survival, but as time passed she turned out to be more self-reliant and independent. She was also known for her beauty, grace, high morals and was considered as a very skilled and knowledgeable person amongst her group. In spite, of her eclectic personality, she never showed any arrogance and vivid display of pride. Probably because deep down she was very spiritual and had great respect for all other people. However, everything came crashing down with her one wrong decision. Her marriage to Zain.
Scene 1: 19th December 2009
It was a hot summer afternoon and Aarfah was spending some time with her 4 year old boy ‘Zeeshan’, in their apartment. He was the apple of her eyes. Aarfah adored him more than anything in this world. Her mom in law, ‘Zaida’ a 65-year-old lady is sitting quietly in the corner, and is randomly switching the TV channels in the afternoon.
Aarfah : “Common Zee, don’t push the spoon away its your favorite mashed potatoes and mushroom sauce, chalo, eat fast baby”.
Zeeshan running around the house, dressed in spiderman’s clothes, looking to annoy his mom. Kept giggling and running all around the drawing room.
Aarfah : “Oh, there goes spiderman, running away from his mamma, and mamma runs faster. Wooo…. And Spiderman finishes a whole circle to come back to mamma and opens his mouth wide . hahaha”
Aarfah makes it a point she feeds her son herself once a while, to make sure her bond remains strong with her only child. There is so much grief in her heart, she cannot express to anyone. All she is trying is, to keep her marriage going. Her mom in law felt bad for her, as she knew her son never treated her well.
Zaida: “You know Aarfah, you are the most patient woman I have ever come across in my entire life”.
Aarfah: “Why do you say so, maa?”
Zaida : “I heard everything last night, he was yelling at you and you were just not retaliating. The belt marks on your shoulder, are pretty much evident you see.”
Aarfah: “Thats Okay mom”.
Zaida: “That’s not okay, I feel ashamed as a mother, that I raised such a bad person. I always felt I raised him well, but I don’t know where did I go wrong. As a single mother, I tried my best to inculcate respect in his mind, for women. But all in vain”. She holds her palm against her eyes, filled with tears.
Aarfah: “Ma please, he’s my husband. I think he has all right to express himself.”
Zaida: “But he’s a bloody tyrant and narcissist. Look at these marks on your shoulder”.
Aarfah: “Don’t worry ma, everything’s going to be okay one day.”.
Aarfah tries to hide her wounds from the quarrel that took place a day before. Just because she happened to give some advice to her husband, when he looked perturbed, due to something that took place in his office. Zain was someone who would go on venting about his problems, and expected people to listen and never react . But Aarfah, being a kind soul always ended up giving him a sensible advice to avoid such situations. Later, he would shut her up, by belting her for a few minutes and making her scream in pain. He liked expressing his anger on his wife, to make himself feel better. Zaida, Zain’s mother knew about this, but she herself was scared of her barbaric son’s temper and said nothing.
Scene 2:20Th December 2009:
Aarfah’s husband Zain walks in at night after a long day at work, throws his shoes and socks in different directions in the drawing room.
Zain: “So, did you follow up with the tenants for the rent?”
Aarfah: “I did my love, since morning I’ve been at it”.
Zain: “No, you haven’t I bet you were running after that pest. You and your son”.
Aarfah: “He’s your son too darling”.
Zain: “Yah, I hope so.” He says sarcastically.
Aarfah was trying her best to calm him down, using soothing words, but every pursuit of hers failed. This man couldn’t look at her in any other way, apart from a victim. Zain initially liked Aarfah for her feminity, but as time passed, he started taking her kindness for granted.
Aarfah: “What does that mean? He is your son, I said” Aarfah loses her cool, while Zain is smiling.
Aarfah: “You can’t just say anything like that. We’ve been married for over 10 years, and I do everything for the wellbeing of our family”.
Zain: “Yah, get some cash from your dad too sometimes. That will help our wellbeing”. Says Zain, making funny faces at her.
Aarfah: “My father made me a doctor, what more can I ask him. I am definitely going to build a good practice very soon”.
Zain: “I need to see the color of money. I don’t want to hear your stupid affirmations. I will this… I will that”.
Aarfah: “Okay, so can you promise me, if ever we have enough, you will treat me and Zeeshan with respect? Can you promise?”
Zain: “Maybe, maybe not”. He yawns and goes for a shower.
Aarfah: “Seriously???”.
Zain: “Now shut up and go make some tea for me”.
Zaida overhearing his conversation with his wife says,“Hey watch your mouth son. Why are you behaving this way, every single day.”
Zain walks away from the room, ignoring his mom.
Scene 3: 25th December 2009
Aarfah and Zain are having a casual conversation before bed. Zeeshan is sleeping in the room next door, and Zaida is still awake, scrolling through series of TV Channels.
Zain: “You know I see this young woman in office every day. She works in the other department. She is in her late twenties and extremely attractive”.
Aarfah: “So why do you tell me about her?”
Zain: “She wears clothes to expose her body. So much so that, every man in office should stare at her. I always hear inappropriate jokes about her”.
Aarfah: “So do you join them?”
Zain: “In what?”
Aarfah: “In making inappropriate jokes, about her body”.
Thud, comes a tight slap on Aarfah’s cheek, and she falls unconscious off the bed. He walks away saying, “Next time watch your words.”
Zaida walks in hearing the sound of someone fall of the bed.
Zaida: “Why do you hit the poor child every day?”
Zain: “She’s my wife, I’ll do anything I want with her. You go and sleep, for heaven’s sake”.
Zaida: “This is not the way you treat a woman. This is toxic behavior, this is not masculinity, if that’s what you think”.
Zaid: “Ok, now go. Otherwise….”
Zaida: “Otherwise what? You need to look at yourself from other people’s perspective. I didn’t raise you to use your hands on women”.
Zain: “But that’s how dad treated you. And I follow my father”.
Zaida: “Oh Please, don’t make that mistake. You are an educated young lad. He was from the old school of thought. I was always unhappy with him. You saw what he did to me, when he was alive”.
Zain: “That’s okay. You were also not that great, for a wife. Do not try to teach me”.
Zaida: “Aarfah, are you okay beta? “asks her mother in aw to Aarfah
Aarfah in tears stand up slowly, and tries to get her mind under control. She suddenly remembers her mom’s words to always respect her husband, like her mom did to her father.
Aarfah: “Yes mom, don’t yell at him. It’s okay, I shouldn’t have said anything. It is my fault.”
Zaida: “Why do you cover up for him? Just look at what he just did to you.”
Aarfah: “Nothing happened ma. Please relax”.
Zaida: “Don’t try to hide this pain, I know exactly how you feel”.
Zain: “Now, you heard her talk right. Nothing happened. Go and sleep old lady”.
Zaida: “Don’t do this to the poor child. She is such a nice mother to your son, and a lovely wife. She left her family and came just to live with you”.
Zain: “Yah, a parasite who eats for free. She doesn’t have the right to talk to me this way. I’m the one responsible for everything in this house”.
Zaida: “So that’s the thing, you want her to go work, cant you see your baby still needs his mother. Moreover, her family has also supported us in my chemotherapy. What more do you want. Aarfah cannot work with all these responsibilities”.
Zain: “Maybe we could leave Zeeshan at the daycare, and she could keep a maid to look after you. Then she will be able to work full time, and help me make ends meet”.
Zaida: “I don’t think that will change anything. You will still treat her like a doormat”.
Zain: “Her dad said, he can afford a whole clinic for her in Mumbai while he was alive. And then he passed away. Ask her to go get her fair share of inheritance from her mother now”.
Zaida: “Stop! I’ve not given birth to a handicap Zain, why are you demanding money from your father-in-law. That is haram”.
Zain: “Its high time you mind your own business mom. Remember I am going through so much with all your Cancer treatment, and the expense just doesn’t get lesser. At this rate, we won’t able to afford a good lifestyle ever. She needs to work.”
Zaida: “Oh really, so you are going to destroy Aarfah because of this. Common, you can do better than that”.
Zain: “Okay, now don’t go on venting about things. You need not worry about anything alright. I will find a solution to this. “Says zain staring at his wife, trembling in the corner of the room.
Scene 4: Jan 1st 2010
Aarfah had a very good mentor called Dr.Janice., a lady of high ethics, morals and principles. Janice cared a lot about all her students, but she liked Aarfah the most, for her conduct. One day Dr. Janice invited Aarfah for the reunion of their college after six years. It was a nice lunch she had organized, at her beautiful seaside villa in Bandra.
Dr.Janice was a famous Neurologist in Mumbai, and was also an amazing mother to two big adults. She could read people’s minds like a musician could read his orchestra.
On the day of the renioun.
Dr.Janice: “It’s so good to see you, Aarfah”.
Aarfah: “Yes Dr.Janice, I’m so glad I could come for your party. It’s really sweet of you to have invited me”.
Dr.Janice: “Aarfah is everything alright? Why do you look so drained of energy my child. It is as though someone has taken out the spark from your soul.”
Aarfah : “Well, it’s the regular stress from parenting. I am fine, maam”.
Dr.Janice: “No, I can see there’s a lot going on from your eyes. Why are you suppressing it? Come with me”.
She takes Aarfah to one side of the lawn on which they had arranged some tables for a buffet. All kinds of dishes and sweets where being served here. But Aarfah was so lost, that she couldn’t feel any joy in the moment. She somehow managed to escape her house for a few hours from Chembur to Bandra.
Dr.Janice: “So how’s the little one doing?”
Aarfah: “Yeah, he’s growing up fine. A lovely child he is, Zeeshan keeps me going”.
Dr.Janice: “And what about your husband? The last time I saw you both, he seemed to be a very manipulative. I remember you left the dinner even before we served the dessert. Also, what are these marks on your shoulder and face. I’m sure he is behind this, now don’t lie Aarfah.”
Aarfah kept quiet for a while, and looked around thinking how could she find a way to change the topic. But somehow, she could not contain her emotions, and burst into tears. She hugged Dr.Janice and tried to face her back, towards the rest of the people standing far away in the garden.
Dr.Janice: “I knew he wasn’t treating you well, there was something fishy about him”.
Aarfah couldn’t contain her tears, and Dr.Janice hugs her back and passes the tissues from her purse, so she can dab her lovely face with it, before she loses all her eye makeup.
Aarfah: “I don’t know Dr.Janice, I’m doing my best. I am doing beyond what I can, to keep things in order. But I’m failing, I feel like I’m a curse and everytime when I am with him, I see no hope. The future looks dark. He just does not stop abusing me. I never revolt because, I know if I do, I will have to leave.”
“ Where will I go with my son. I have no job, no money to keep my baby happy, neither can I go back to my home, as my father passed away last year”.
Dr.Janice: “Oh my dear, I am so sorry it went to this extent”.
Aarfah: “He seems like he enjoys humiliating me, he beats me every single day. Although everything at home is moving smoothly, he makes it sound like I’m doing nothing and I am making his life hell. Looks like he enjoys harassing me. I am totally trapped and feel suffocated now”.
Dr.Janice: “My dear, you can’t change a man who is a born narcist. The first time I saw you on stage with him, I sensed it, you were not meant for eachother. He does not deserve you Aarfah ”.
Aarfah: “It was the circumstances. My father was unwell and I had to make a decision to get married while he was alive”.
Dr.Janice: “Well, that is the wrong reason to get committed my dear. The only reason a man and woman should be together is ‘love’ “.
Aarfah: “He charmed me into it, when he came to see me the first time.He infact pretended to be so caring and he spoke all the words I was always wanted to hear, from my husband”.
Dr.Janice: “Okay, just let go of the past ,Aarfah”.
Suddenly there was an announcement on the mike from someone. It was to gather everyone on the lawn and divide them into two teams, for a Karoake. The excitement grew in the party. Aarfah was finally happy and cheering for the first time after her marraige. She sang a few songs too, to win her mentor’s heart. Then suddenly, she noticed Ashfaque.
Ashfaque was her long-term crush from college. He had changed so much, and seemed like he was also trying to grab her attention by standing close to her while singing, after all the fun and frolic. As all were leaving…He comes up to her and speaks.
“Salaam Aarfah! How are you doing, my dear? I see you gained some weight and look so lovely”.
Aarfah trying not to stare right into his eyes, gave him him a casual look with a smile .
” Salaam Ashfaque! It feels so good to see you too. All of you coming together in one place after so long seems like a dream come true. Seeing you all,made my day”. She smiles wide.
Ashfaque: “How about your practice? I heard you got married to a very handsome man and now a mother to a little boy”.
Aarfah: “Okay, so you’ve been talking a lot about me to people, huh”.
Ashfaque: “You see, we always exchanged some kinds good vibes in college. But I didn’t push it too far, as Sana was always around”.
Sana was Ashfaque’s girlfriend in college. He knew her since the first year of MBBS, and they both were beyond lovers.
Aarfah: “Oh yeah, You two do make a great couple. How is she?”.
Ashfaque: “Correction, we did”.
Aarfah: “Why what happened? I thought you got engaged and were about to…”
Ashfaque: “That’s when things started to change, she changed after engagement. Started demanding too much of space. I could not keep up with her expectations. You see, I don’t like being questioned too much, neither do I like reporting to anyone. So, we both decided to part ways, as we couldn’t stand each other after a point of time.”
Aarfah: “Oh, so you mean you are still single?”.
Aarfah sounded happy and she regretted for showing it in her tone”.
Ashfaque: “Hmmm. You can tell, can’t you?”
Aarfah: “Yup, you still look like a single, ready to mingle”. Aarfah giggles.
“Don’t worry, If ever I find a good match for you, I will surely let you know”.
Ashfaque: “There is someone I’m looking at, since a very long time. I just hope she comes to me. Ofcourse, it needs some kind of miracle, for it to happen now”.
Aarfah: “Hey, tell me who is it?”
Ashfaque shies away and bids everyone goodbye. He keeps blushing looking at Aarfah. Ashfaque was a rich practitioner in Mumbai. He also owned two other businesses, being in practice for 5years by now. And Aarfah on the other hand, was still searching for a job, let alone having her own practice. She kept a very low profile, and was focused on her 4-year-old son.
As Aarfah walks away from the crowd to say farewell to everyone.
Dr.Janice: “How many years have you been married, you said?”
Aarfah: “less than 6 years, Ms. Janice”.
Dr.Janice: “And how old are you?”
Aarfah: “I’m 32 now”.
Dr.janice: “My child, I just want to tell you that, in 6 years if you don’t have things under control in a relationship, then you will never have it forever. Don’t waste your life with him”.
Aarfah: “What do you mean by that, Miss?”
Dr.Janice: “See I’ve been married twice Aarfah. And after all these years, I know one of two things. A man who constantly loves to see you in pain and gives you tears, is not the man you want to be serving, in the last days of your life”.
Aarfah: “Okay, but I have spent so many years trying to build a family. My son is 4 now and he understands things, I can’t part ways”.
Dr.Janice: “He is also watching the way Zain treats you. Don’t you think, that is affecting him. Don’t you think, he will also end up abusing you, when he sees his father treating you this way.”
Aarfah: “You are right, I never thought about it. I always hear Zain telling his mother the reason he ill-treats women, is because he saw his father treating his mother like this. Zain’s misdemeanor was a continuation of his childhood sequel ,were his father abused his mom in front of his eyes.”
Dr.Janice: “Ah there, you see what am I trying to tell you. I have no intention to separate you both. But, the outcome of a bad relationship, is always bad. How can you expect anything good to be transmitted to your son, if it is going to continue like this”.
Aarfah: “So how do I come out of this rut?”
Dr.Janice: “That is something you need to think about yourself. You must make up your mind and start planning. A strong mind is what you need, ‘to break the shackles. You need to bury the old Aarfah and start thinking fresh. That means you need to talk, think and act like a new person”.
Aarfah: “You mean to say, stop playing a victim?”
Dr.Janice: “Exactly, That’s what I meant. It’s not easy to let go of your childhood demons. Your sensitivity, timidness and sacrificial kind nature, are the demons here, Aarfah. They will destroy you and your son”.
Aarfah: “I never thought about this before, as I thought this is my destiny.” But since you have pointed it out, I should really consider changing myself”.
Dr.Janice: “Life is a thin rope of hope that you are holding on to, till we all fall in the dark death pit. You just have one for yourself. Remember no one has the right to abuse a pure soul like you.
“You have the right to breathe freely, and lead a life of purpose. Think like you have no limits, do what you really like to do, talk without any pretense and stop lying to yourself, like a hypocrite. You have all the right to be happy and endeavor a life that is truly amazing, my child.”
Aarfah’s heart felt heavy all of a sudden and her eyes started to water. This was the first time someone spoke her heart out. She was craving for being happy in real, break open, fly free and do so much more for hersef and the world. She couldn’t believe what Dr. Janice just said. It made her reminisce the time her father Mr.Ahmed said smiling at her, while indulging in their summer activity. That’s when she was plucking mangoes in their yard with her beloved father, when she was 12 years old.
He said, “Beta, Tell me what is your ultimate dream? “
She said, “I want to find the real reason why god has put me on earth, abba.” Hmmm, so how do you think you will be able to do that?”
“I, I feel I should just keep going with my life making sure I never hurt anyone, keep a strong mind and treat success and happiness alike without any difference. I’m sure god will lead me towards happiness, if I never hurt anyone and if I am clear about what I want.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of wisdom for a little lady, like you”. Hahaha, Aarfah smiles, and her abba disappears suddenly in her mind as Dr.Janice calls out to her standing in front of her.
Dr.Janice: “You need to first talk to your mother to gather the courage to make a decision about Zain. Don’t be hasty, but do something about it fast.”
Aarfah: “I do realize now, I’ve been playing a victim all the while for no reason”.
Dr.Janice: “The world does not care about your wounds, you need to care for yourself. Stop being good to this man . The more you let people take charge of your life, the deeper you sink into the oceans of darkness. Stop feeling for the people who love to see you cry. Break the shackles, get out.”
Aarfah: “Yes, Ms. Janice. You are right. I will do something, but I will get myself and my son out of this mess. This is mind blowing. I mean the way I feel right now”.
Scene 5: Jan 1st 9pm
Aarfah comes back home in the evening, and starts to prepare dinner as usual. But today she feels like she has come back after a long haul. She kept pondering over every word that Dr.Janice told her.
Today she does not feel the need to be loved, but to be empowered. She did not want anyone’s validation for her decisions. The only person she cared about now, was her son. But in order to give him a good life, she had to do or die. She could either sink or swim through this phase of life. But she did not want to remain were she was.
Zain walks in with Zee, holding his hand after a stroll in the park, He seemed like he was in a pleasant mood.
Zain: “So how was the reunion? Anything interesting”.
Aarfah thinking about how her direct answers provoked him to hurt her.
Aarfah: “Nah, it was kinda boring. I missed you both. Nothing much happened except I met some of my college mates”.
Zain: “Okay, So I will be traveling overseas next week. I have an important meeting I have to attend, in Indonesia”.
Aarfah: “Okay, good luck”.
Zain: “Goodluck… wouldn’t you ask me anything more. Normally you seem to be very inquisitive?”
Aarfah:” I know you aren’t going to like it, if I ask you anything. So, I’ll save us from a fight for today”.
Zain: “So you think I always start the fight?”
Aarfah : “Listen, I’m really exhausted. Please let’s just have dinner and get some rest”.
Zain: “Oh, I see. So you are playing games with my mind now. Pretending you don’t care, wherever the hell I am going”.
Aarfah remains silent. She couldn’t believe it how long she had put up with this man. He can make a sound mind go crazy, within seconds.
Zain continued to blabber on the dinner table, then he went towards his room. She knew he needed psychiatric counselling, but she never knew how to get him to the doctors.
Scene 6: February 6th 2010
After dropping Zee to school one morning, Aarfah receives a call from an unknown number.
Caller: “Heyyy beautiful!”
Aarfah found the voice familiar and was trying hard to remember who it was. But she failed.
Aarfah: “Hi, may I know who is on the line?”
Caller: “Hey its Ashfaque”.
Aarfah was taken aback and almost skipped a heartbeat.
Ashfaque: “I know, you must me thinking, why this man now? I just felt like talking to you after the reunion. Are you okay to talk now?”
Aarfah: “Yah sure, go on doc.”She said nervously.
Ashfaque: “Remember the patient on whom we had performed our first operation, a spinal injury case?”
Aarfah: “Yes, Ms.Hameeda you mean”.
Ashfaque: “Yes, she used to visit my clinic every month since the past 3 years. She passed away last night. I am just coming from her funeral”.
Aarfah: “Oh, May her soul rest in peace. That’s really such a sad news. What must have been her age?”
Ashfaque: “She was 62 years old. Her condition kept getting worse after her second fall. We could not do anything more, and she was bedridden for the past 6 months. Her family had accepted her situation long back. But I was feeling low when she passed away, and thought I will call you.”
Aarfah: “It’s all written beforehand Ashfaque, I hope her soul rests in peace”.
Ashfaque: “So where do you go consulting, my dear radiologist?”
Aarfah: “Ah, to be frank I haven’t worked ever since I got pregnant. I am searching for a job.”
Ashfaque: “What???That must be pretty hard right?”
Aarfah: “It is, but I am not lying. I had plans to do a lot in my career. But how?”.
Ashfaque: “How would you like it, if I give you the chance to work in my hospital, and the liberty to work at your convenient time?”
Aarfah knew something was cooking in his mind. It was not just to help her, but maybe something more.
Ashfaque: “Don’t over think, I am not being extra sweet to you. It’s just that I was seriously looking for some to take care of the radiology department and my practice, while I make time for my other acquisitions.”
Aarfah: “I shall think over it, Ashfaque. However, thanks for the offer”.
Ashfaque: “Wait, I shall pay whatever the salary you ask for. With all your travel expenses covered”.
Aarfah: “Okay, seems like you won’t take ‘No’ for an answer. She giggles”.
Ashfaque: “I will call you on Monday again. You discuss with your family and get back to me.”
Scene 7: March 1st 2010
Zaida: “Could you get me some hot water beta Aarfah?”
Aarfah: “Sure maa.”
Zaida: “What is Zain upto?”
Aarfah: “He is probably in the room doing some calculations”.
Zain walks in all of a sudden and pulls Aarfah’s hair and drags her to the room.
Zain: “Did you apply for a new credit card without my permission?”
Aarfah: “I did, that’s because I was able to pay it off, as I started freelancing since last week. Plus, it is for a very small amount.
Zain: “You should have asked me. We don’t need any more credit on this family.”
Aarfah: “But you also told me, not to ask you for money.”
Zain pushed her towards the wall and hit her chest with his elbow, slapped her thrice and she was unable to withstand it, and in a few seconds she blacked out .
He did it so quietly Aarfah had no space to even scream out for help.
Zain: “Listen to me carefully”, he said moving her hair from her face. “Next time I need you, to ask me before you do anything”.
Aarfah kept herself still, sitting down on the floor, recovering from the pain .Zeeshan walks in and was shocked to see his mom on the floor. Unable to cry or speak out, he ran away calling his grandmother’s name.
Zain grabs Zeeshan and slaps him before he calls out to his grandmom.
He grabs his son by his collar and tries to make a violent move when all of a sudden, Aarfah’s mind starts working and she stands up, and grabs the curtain rod kept in the corner of the room which was made of iron . Zain starts to squeeze the child’s neck and just then he feels a tight blow on the back of his head, and starts to his lose consciousness. Aarfah throws the iron rod down, and grabs Zeeshan from Zain, pulling him away from his father’s grasp and runs outside, letting Zain fall directly on the floor.
For the first time, she felt no pain, while her anger took over and all she knew was to protect Zeeshan from this monster.
Aarfah: “One more move and I’m going to the cops.” Aarfah spoke to Zain as he gets up in 5 minutes, regaining his consciousness.
Zain: “What?”
Aarfah: “You heard me right Zain. One more move and I will lodge an FIR on you”.
Zain tries to move, but he was chained to the bed. Aarfah starts packing Zee’s clothes and hers, to leave the premises as soon as possible by 6am. Miss Zaida kept telling her to stay back, and gives her hope that she will talk to Zain to stop with his atrocities. But this time Aarfah knew what she had to do.
After Aarfah informed her mother about the things that took place lately, Her mom asked her to come back home and file for a divorce. Aarfah was reluctant in the beginning, but later went by what her mother told her. The only fear she had was that she didn’t have enough to afford Zeeshan’s education and many other things. It was a very big risk she was taking with her son and taking his custody was a big responsibility.
Scene 8: August 9th 2010
Zain kept trying his best to bring her back ,but failed and today was the court’s final hearing, Zeeshan was standing close to his mother, confused and scared as usual.
Zain : “Listen Zeeshu, Don’t listen to your mother. Have faith abba will take good care of you”.
Aarfah: “Yeah, we saw that already”.
Zain: “The hearing will not be in your favour. Do you have any proof of domestic violence against me? And since you don’t have a fixed income, the boy is going to come to me”.
Aarfah: “Well, I think you should just step back Zain. You need to care for yourself. The marks on my body are a strong evident that you are not fit to be a husband”.
Zain: “Okay, I don’t care if I lose you. I want my son”.
Aarfah: “Let’s see. Either way you are a loser in my eyes. I’m going to claim a house and a monthly alimony of 50 grand from you in the court ” .
Zain: “Well, well. High hopes huh”.
Zain: “Don’t even talk about alimony, I’ll prove that I’m broke”.
Aarfah: “What else can be expected for a goon like you? Neither do you want to live happily, nor do you want to see others happy. Whatever the court’s decision is , I don’t want to see your face again”.
Zain: “No one will accept you after this. A divorced woman is just used like a tissue paper in the society. You will know as time approaches”.
Aarfah: “At least I know, I don’t want to be the tissue you use every day”.
The interpreter announce their names and both stood side by side to their respective lawyers. Aarfah’s lawyer was Mr. Rafi and Zain hired a woman as usual, to manipulate . Her name was Ms.Seema.
Judge: “So, what is the primary reason you two have filed for a divorce?”
Mr.Rafi: “It’s domestic violence and lack of mutual understanding.”
Seema : “I’m sorry sir, the bride has not been cooperative to the family in any aspect of their lives.”
Mr.Rafi: “The man succumb to domestic violence and needs to be condemned for it sir”. These are the pictures.” Apart from that he has not been given any support for their day to day expenses”.
Seema: “Currently, he is under debts because he took a personal loan for the sake of his family, and has a lot of mental stress. Also the marks are not from abuse. She always had these marks before marriage.” A fake picture was created and submitted to the judge to prove those marks already existed from birth..
Mr.Rafi: “He’s a very toxic character, my lord”.
Aarfah stops the lawyer from publicly humiliating him. Her principles did not allow her to let her lawyer, to insult Zain publicly. Zain was asked to speak after the lawyer.
Zain: “Sir I did not want a divorce in the first place, I can take care of her and bring my son up well. It is in her nature to let go, for small arguments. Anyways, I have decided to let her move on, if that’s what she wants, however I want my son to stay with me”.
Arafah: “I have opted for a separation with my son’s custody”.
Judge: “Who amongst you has been financially supporting the child?”
Zain: “Me, my honourable judge, she does not even have a job”.
Aarfah:” I can takecare of him. I need a fixed income as an alimony”.
Zain: “Sir ,I donot have any money as I have to pay for the emis and house expense. But I promise to provide for my son a good school and he can stay with me. I am ready to take his custody. I was never prepared to separate, she initiated it”.
Judge: “Ms. Aarfah, he is ready to take custody of the boy and he has the ability to takecare of the boy. I suppose he won’t be able to provide a fixed alimony so we cannot pressurize him to do so”.
Aarfah: “He cannot take Zeeshu away from me. He is an abuser and I won’t allow my son to go close to him.”
Judge asks for Zeeshan to be presented in front of him.
Judge: “Hello, young man. Whats your name?”
Farhad: “Zeesan”. He says with a faint smile.
Judge: “will you stay with daddy for a few days?”
Zeeshan: “I want momma. Momma’’ he calls out to his mother.
Judge:” I cannot let the mother have the child, as the child will need a more financially stable parent as well as support while he is growing.
Aarfah:” What? No.”
Zeeshan: Mamma
Aarfah: “Judge saab, Don’t do this.” Zain is a monster.
The whole room was silenced by the emotions coming from the mother and child. Aarfah could feel her world falling apart. But Zeeshan was not aware of what was happening. He knew his mom is crying for him. They were inseparable.
Zain was smiling to glory as the judge gave his verdict.
Aarfah: “No judge saab, Zeeshu is just 4 years old. He needs me.”
Aarfah bursting into tears says, “No , I can’t leave him.”
The judge was quiet aware of the mother’s emotions. But it was not possible to hand the child to her on emotional grounds. Zeeshan’s maintenance was in stake and he needed financial support at the moment, than anything else. Aarfah had to digest this fact slowly. And since she is the one who initiated the divorce and couldn’t prove the physical violence was real. Aarfah could not claim for alimony, except get her gold jewellery back.
Aarfah finally looks up at little Zeeshan and takes an oath to herself.
“I shall become so successful, that my son will come back to me one day.”
Judge: “The consent terms have to be prepared by both the parents within 2 days. The mother will be allowed to see the boy every weekend or on his school holidays. The rest of the days he remains with his father and grandmother. He shall take care of his son’s responsibility till he is 18 years old.” The man taps the table gently with the instrument in the court and leaves.
Scene 9: February 2011
After 6 months post the divorce trial, Aarfah was trying to gather herself from all the past events and was missing her son so badly she noticed one thing. She was much calmer, focused and was actually ready to serve people by maintaining a strong head. No one to humiliate her or and break her self esteem. Aarfah moved to another apartment at a distance from where they lived. Suddenly the phone rings one day.
Ashfaque: “Hello doc!”
Aarfah:” Assalamu alaikum…Hope you are doing great buddy”.
Ashfaque: “Heard about your separation. I’m really sorry about that:”.
Aarfah: “Never mind. Things will turn in my favour”.
Ashfaque: “That’s cool. So, are you still in Mumbai?”
Aarfah: “Yes shifted to a new apartment. Got a good place, and mom’s here to give me emotional support.”
Ashfaque: “Well, well. You sound better too.”
Aarfah: “Yes, sometimes we never realize how we let people take over our lives on the pretext of family. I had lost my mind with this man. Now I feel I’m better of all by myself”.
Ashfaque: “What do you mean? Its single mom right. Your son’s custody came to you”.
Aarfah: “Well yeah. But the court handed my son tomy ex ,as I did not have the means to provide for him. I mean no job, no fixed income, what else could I expect?”
Ashfaque: “Must’ve been hard for you. Afterall, I know you are such an emotional person”.
Aarfah:” Yes, you are right. But as far as a son is safe and secured. A mother can’t ask for more, you see.”
Ashfaque: “Okay, the reason I called you is to check, if you thought about my offer. Though you never called back, I reserved this post for you, listening to your news.”
Aarfah: “That’s really very kind of you doc. I did gave it a thought. I did like to visit your clinic”.
Ashfaque: “Oki doki, so are you free today?”
Aarfah: “Mmm, yes, by evening I can make it to your place. But I hope you will be there by half past four”.
Ashfaque: “Ofcourse my dear. I was looking forward to you joining us, ever since I met you at the reunion”.
Aarfah could sense he was trying to get closer and she could sense how much he must’ve thought about her since the time of the reunion.
Ashfaque: “Awright, so I’ll send a cab for you at 3. 30 in the afternoon?”
Aarfah: “Sounds good. Thank you so very much Ashfaque”.
Scene 10: February 28th 2011
Aarfah was dressed in black pencil pants and a pink satin shirt. She topped it with a pearl bracelet and pendent which looked absolutely gorgeous. However, her scarf had always covered her beauty and made her look modest. Though she always looked gorgeous, she made it a point no one approached her in an indecent manner.
As she arrived at Ashfaque’s perfectly done up hospital. She couldn’t take her eyes off the red Massarotti parked outside it.
Aarfah: “Hello, I have an appointment with Dr.Ashfaque. Could you please tell him Dr.Aarfah is here”.
The receptionist was a beautiful east Indian, dressed in a grey uniform. But it was rather too tight and revealing. Aarfah didn’t like her outfit , she thought it must be a way they calm down the patients at the reception probably, which was obnoxious.
Receptionist: “Oh great to see you Dr.Aarfah, sir is in the Xray room just discussing something with our consultant orthopaedic surgeon. He had informed me about your arrival time. Please go straight in, and turn to the first left after the first operating room”.
Aarfah: “Thank you somuch !”
As Aarfah walks in she sees a well equipped hospital arranged just as a latest kind of medical care set up should be. Finally she reached the room where Ashfaque was seated with another doctor. He was seated right next to the MRI machine, and was trying to control his excitement when he laid his eyes on Aarfah. He hadn’t seen a more gorgeous lady in a while. He seemed to be very eluded by her beauty as he spoke up too at her.
Ashfaque: “Hey doc, Thank god you came. I need some help with this MRI.(Trying to sound completely under control and focused on his work)
As Aarfah comes close to have a look at the xray, he can’t stop staring at her, observing her closely. He regretted how he never took notice of her, in college and wasted all these years.
Aarfah: “This is a clear and shut case of cerebral contusion. There is a haemorrhage within his brain and the clots are quiet spread out. What kind of intervention have you thought of?”
Ashfaque: “Nothing as yet. The patient was bought to us this morning. Are you sure there are many clots within? Surgery is a must as intracranial pressure is increasing due to the heamorhage, says the doctor here”.
Aarfah: “Affirmative”.
She handed the X ray back to him and smiled.
Asfaque felt rather peaceful in her company and asked her to walk towards his consultation room.
Asfaque: “So how about some coffee?”
Aarfah: “After sometime. Show me your clinic”.
After taking a stroll around the porche Mult speciality hospital which had about 14 rooms and 2 Ots, they came back and settled in the consultation room.
Asfaque: “So when are you planning to start working here?”
Aarfah maintains absolute calmness in her body language, she goes into her deep thought and then comes up with an answer.
Aarfah: “I could join you from tomorrow”.
Ashfaque smiles and shakes hands with her saying “Welcome”.
Scene 11: 2 nd January 2012
Days move smoothly. Aarfah makes it a point to relax and get her mental health back to normal. She made it a point to visit her son regularly during weekends and take him out. But Zain’s atrocities would never end. He would make her wait for an hour or 2 every time in the parking lot, in scorching hot weather.
Aarfah: “So how did it go yesterday? Is daddy treating you well?”
Zeeshan: “He good mamma. hhhh” he would reply innocently.
Aarfah felts so proud of this little boy she raised. Now all she knew was she had to be successful.
Scene 12: March 4th 2011
Aarfah: “Goodmorning doc”.
Ashfaque: “Goodmorning dear. So let me brief you about your roles and area of requirement”.
As Ashfaque completed his instructions Aarfah felt overwhelmed how professionally he put down all the points for her. He was really an amazing man.
Ashfaque: “So if you have any queries, do contact Ms.Toulina in the reception”.
Aarfah: “Sure”.
Ashfaque: “Apart from our professional lives, we have another side of life to think about”.
Aarfah: “I’m sure we are doing well, in all other areas”.
Ashfaque: “Are you sure? I just wanted to ask you out for dinner sometime”.
Aarfah: “Oh No.” Aarfah pulls her eyebrows up like she wants to say, “Not again.”
Ashfaque:” I didn’t mean to hurt you. Just find you interesting and want to know you better.”
Aarfah: “I have just come out of this horrifying trial a few months ago. Please don’t even think of something like that”.
Ashfaque: “Are you scared of men now?”
Aarfah: “Not really, I am kind of annoyed by them. “She laughs out loud.
“I mean what kind of a doctor would ask his receptionist to show her cleavage. Is that a standard practice?”
Ashfaque:” Why what’s wrong? She looks pretty and if it helps my clients relax, while they are waiting over there, then why not?”
Aarfah: “You can’t just showcase a woman, to keep people engaged. That’s not good.”
Ashfaque: “Women are created by God, to entertain and take care of men. Otherwise, God wouldn’t have made them so beautiful”.
Aarfah: “Okay, now I see you haven’t changed a bit since college. How could you tag a woman as a source of entertainment? You guys, are all the same.”
Ashfaque:” I didn’t force her. She agreed to it. If there is no resistance from her, then why should we worry about it. Common, don’t be a grandma now.”
Aarfah: “Isn’t your brand more than enough to get patients lining up? You don’t need to take such stupid measures, to keep people coming in here.”
Ashfaque: “How would you know what it is like to run such a practice? I got to sustain in the market with my practice. My clients are all top-notch people and they do not stare.”
Aarfah: “Very well.” She just gives a sarcastic smile and keeps quiet.
Ashfaque: “Okay, so what are you up to after clinic?”
Aarfah: “I will be going back home to get a good night’s rest.
Ashfaque: “How about we go grab some food together and watch a movie.”
Now she knew what was running in his mind. She felt awkward but somehow managed to subtly say ‘No’.
The day got over peacefully, and so did many months at his hospital.
Scene 13: February 6th 2012
It has been about 11 months and now. Aarfah felt a bit stagnated and was in need of more money. The pay was not too great here, but she knew Ashfaque gave her the best that he could afford. She had always wanted to persue her Master’s abroad, so she started of speculating various colleges in the UK, approached a few banks and also saw how she could accommodate her mom with her, while she pursued her dream. This morning, she tries to explain to her mother about why she came up with this plan.
Aarfah: “Maa, I need to start applying for colleges in the UK, for the coming fall.”
Mom : “Baccha, You are already so educated, now why study more? And from where does this idea come from?”
Aarfah: “You forgot I have to still complete my Masters. That will help me get better placements, and one day I can have Zeeshu back with us.”
Mom: “I admire your courage, but Zeeshan needs you to be here till he grows up.”
Aarfah: “Okay, I get your point. But lately Zain has been trying to separate Zee from me, as he is taking care of all his expenses. I need to start spending on him. Hence, I need to save up more for the future. Please understand.”
Mom: “Couldn’t think of any college within India?”
Aarfah: “That’s the whole point. I am not able to save money here. I need to move out. Doctors have a very good remuneration and much better lifestyle in the UK.”
Mom: “Ok, whatever it is sweetheart. Don’t make hasty decisions, so you lose out everything. Imagine what will happen if you don’t see your son frequently for the next 4 years. Zain is going to spoil him.”
Aarfah: Hmm, so this is the fear which stops most women from moving forward in life. Times have changed mother. Can’t you look at it with a new perspective. I will keep checking on Zeeshu, whie I quickly completely my Masters and get a job abroad.”
Sharaha: “What are you trying to say?”
Aarfah: I’m trying to tell you that if I have a better life to offer Zee, and a better place, Zain will eventually hand over the child to me as he is a miserly person. He will even consider marrying another woman. Then I will be free. Moreover, Children aways stay with the ones who are better off in future. So, I feel I should go settle in London.”
Mom: “As far as I can think, boys take on to the people who stay with them. I’m sure he is being intoxicated with negative feelings, I donot think he will want to be with you in the UK after 4 years. His mindset will be different later.”
Aarfah: “Well then, be it. I’m ready to take the risk. I can’t restrict myself from dreaming big, thinking about who is going to stay with me or not.
One day, this is what will make me regret. And Ma- I donot want to regret.I don’t want to regret that I did not even attempt to make a difference”.Mom: “What about the finances? And the time you need to spare, to clear your exams. What is that exam called???” Her mom trying hard to recall.
Aarfah: “It’s called NEET and PLAB, ma. I know I gotta clear them. I will. ”
She nodded her head, as she continued making the dough for the morning breakfast.
Aarfah knew her mom believed in her daughter so much, and she knew she won’t give up on her dream, once she has decided on something.
Shahara: “Remember one thing bacha, your confidence comes from the fact that, you had good parents. Parents who remained grounded in one house, until you finished your studies.”
“While your baba was busy making money, I looked after you and your grandma. But in your case, your son is with his father. You have all the chances of losing your son. Later after you move out, don’t regret if he gets emotionally distanced from you.”
Aarfah smiled and replied “I believe in my son and we share a bond beyond anyone’s contemplation. He knows from the inside; he is an integral part of my life”.
Her mother nods again reluctantly, and gives Aarfah a hugg.
Scene 14: February 15th 2012
Ashfaque was walking past the x ray room, while his eyes stopped at Aarfah. He had been holding back since a year now to confide his feelings. But as usual, was not in a hurry, for he was easy-going . He also had other things on his mind to keep him from asking her out. But now he felt time is passing by, and he needed to do something, before it was too late.
He really wanted a wife life Aarfah, to complete his life.
As he passes the radiology department, she calls out to him .
Aarfah: “Hey doc, how are you doing today?”
Ashfaque: “Not too bad. You look great .”
Aarfah wasn’t blushing but she was happy he took notice of her.
Ashfaque:” How do you manage to stand apart from all the women, in terms of looking graceful.”
Aarfah: “I stand apart because I believe in looking good as well as being modest. I don’t live for the sake of the world. I live for myself”
Ashfaque: “I see most women wear loud colours these days, but you instead opt for pastel shades, to avoid getting noticed. But all efforts go invain, that just makes you more appealing to me.”
Aarfah: “Hmm,I guess when you stop looking out for people, people look out for you.”
Ashfaque: “I’ve been looking for an opportunity to tell you something. May I?”
Aarfah: “And whats that?”
Ashfaque: “I’m in love with you Aarfah.”
Aarfah froze and said, “ What?”
Ashfaque: “No seriously. I’m in love with the way you conduct yourself, your knowledge, the way people respect you, and I could go on all day long.”
Aarfah:” Well, since when?”
Aarfah was cold in her expression as she knew the kind of man he was, it was not a good news that he was imagining her to say yes to him. He was quite the Casanova, a heart breaker and this was not his true side.”
Ashfaque on the other hand was amazed by her reaction. As women would go crazy for him with the kind of wealth he has and for his attitude. Some of them would just throw themselves at him, in a matter of seconds. But Aarfah, got the better of him.
She knew what she wanted in life, and that’s why he wanted her.
Aarfah: “I really don’t know what to say.”
Ashfaque: “Oh, just say yes. I’m actually proposing you for marriage. Will you marry me? Please….”
Aarfah: “See, I feel I understand you better than you know yourself. Its not love. It’s just infatuation.”
You have always got the woman you want. I mean you can get anyone else, you want.
Ashfaque: “ So you mean to say, I can’t get you?”
Aarfah: “I am pretty much focused on my work and I do not want to be distracted.”
Ashfaque: “This is not for entertainment my dear. I genuinely want to get settled with you.”
Aarfah: “I can’t tell you anything right now. It is just not the right time, Ashfaque.”
Ashfaque: “Please my dear, for my sake. Please don’t say no”.
Aarfah: “But you are not the one for me. I don’t picture you as a husband. Also, my dream is to go overseas, I’m going to UK for my higher studies and I want to establish myself there. I need to do something, for my son’s future. Zain will destroy his life.”
Ashfaque: “Okay, that’s really nice. But I’m giving it all to you even without having to go through all that hard work.”
Aarfah steps back as Ashfaque comes closer and holds her face with both his palms. She could feel her knees go weak and as she starts to melt, she pulls back. Suddenly his masculinity brings back memories from her past. The worst days of her life all of sudden just flashed infront of her. She never wanted this.
Aarfah: “Stop!”
Ashfaque: “Why what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
Aarfah:” No, you may think this is weird. But I’m in a happy space now. I donot want to experience any of these emotions anymore.” Aarfah slowly withdraws herself from him.
Ashfaque: “I understand, Afterall what you went through. You must’ve lost faith in people. That is another reason why I want to marry you. To be able to change your idea about men”
Aarfah: “I’m sorry. But I can’t put myself in the same cage again and again.”
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life building your dreams. I know I can’t be single all my life, but I am not willing to go with this kind of a thing at the moment. If want me, leave all this and fly with me to the Uk, so I can persue my masters. Will you?”
Ashfaque looks at her, like she has absolutely lost her mind.
Ashfaque: “You know, I can’t do that. I’ve built my empire here. You should be elated; I am offering you to be my wife.”
Aarfah: “I can’t get carried away. After having suffered so much in my first marriage and losing my son’s custody just because I did not have money. I know now, If ever I get married again, I have to be financially strong, and be stable in my career and position.”
Ashfaque: “I don’t get you. I am ready to give you all these things, just on one condition. Be my wife.”
Aarfah: “When I was with Zain the only thing that brought me down was, my helplessness. It was me, who put myself in a state of vulnerability. I do not want to be a victim again.”
Ashfaque: “Just calm down. I mean to give you a good life. I am a gentleman and I don’t want your money or power, in order to respect you. I respect you the way you are.”
Aarfah: “I totally respect your feelings. But If I leave my dream halfway, I don’t think I will be happy. You just want someone to run your hospital. And I am the best person you can trust at the moment, so you are trying your luck.”
Ashfaque: “Looking from your perspective, that maybe the case. But frankly, I really love you a lot, and I want to share my life with you.”
Aarfah stands up in rage, starts gathering all her belongings from the locker as they walk down the staircase to the inventory room.
Ashfaque: “Wait, where are you going?”
Aarfah: “Please understand,I want to go abroad, earn, bring my boy back and provide the best education to him, and a permanent residence in a foreign nation to Zeeshan. I do not think staying here will help anymore.I’m quitting this job. I am giving my resignation today. Kindly follow up with the HR for the formalities Ash.”
Ashfaque: “No, please don’t leave the job because of me. You’ll need it you’re your admission.”
Aarfah: “It is high time we women claim our respect in the society. I don’t need to marry or sleep with anyone to prove my worth. I think I should just leave.”
Ashfaque: “Why are you behaving like a feminist?”
Aarfah: “There you go again. If you stand on your feet, take your own decisions, play with women. The society does not tag you. They call you Alpha male. But if I want to stand up for myself, take my own decisions, and speak up, you call me a feminist.”
Ashfaque: “You have changed so much. The Aarfah I knew until a few years ago, has transformed into a kind of human robot, without any feelings.”
Aarfah:” Indeed, I buried that Aarfah, from the day I realized, what a fool I made of myself playing a timid, fragile and sweet kids role. Thanks for the offer, and I am sorry if I hurt you. Takecare Ashfaque.”
She gives him a light hugg and walks away.
Aarfah sort things out for her admission, for the next few months, and got her admissions into the Royal institute of physicians, in London. She worked hard three times more, day and night,to pay off for her student’s loan and her mortgages in London. It was her son who kept her going “Mummy, Zeesha Loves you” he would say.” Whenever she called him on the weekends.
So very soon Aarfah was able to get into an internship with her hospital and later she landed as a consultant in one of the NHS associated clinics in West London. After 5 years of her struggle and attaining success in her medical career, there was this one individual, she needed to thank desperately. So finally after her graduation ceremony she dialed the number of Ms. Janice’s mobile phone.
Scene 16: April 2nd 2017 ,5 years later….
Aarfah: Hello Dr.Janice! Hope you are doing good.
Dr.Janice clearing her voice early in the morning at the Indian standard time.
“ Yes darling. I’m doing good. How are things with you? She yawns.
Aarfah: “I just finished my Master’s ma’am, and the convocation was today.”
Dr.Janice: “Wow, That’s the best thing I heard in months.” But how is your son?”
Aarfah:” He is growing up well, ma’am. Can’t wait to go meet him. He’s in his 7th grade. In a few years I should be able to afford his education if his dad is willing to give him to me.”
Dr.Janice: “Oh dear, you sound so determined to achieve your goals. Can’t believe it, you were so scared in the reunion 5 years ago. Just listening to your voice, makes me feel relieved. ”
Aarfah: “I know right, I feel great maam. I have some difficulties here working full time, but I’m proud about my decision.” Aarfah was so excited that she almost jumped with joy as she spoke.
“I’m happy I made it after all the commotion and drama in my life.”
Dr.Janice: “So just be sure about your plans, and believe in your convictions darlin. Go live the life of your dreams.”
Aarfah: “I sure am, maam.”
Dr. Janice: “My dear Aarfah, No one has the right to belittle you, to victimize you or to show you your place. Your happiness should have no limit and do what you really want to, live with a strong purpose, dream every day and take small steps to achieve it. Unleash your passion and break all the shackles, which every woman has been put into.”
Aarfah: “I will Dr.Janice. I promise I will break all the stereotypes and all the shackles. Thank you so much”
By Dr. Iman Hanif
Comments